How can I accept being patient with myself during my coming out and development process? I don't just want to date. I want to already be in a long-term, stable relationship. Like, right now. But I'm not even fully out yet, and I've never so much as held hands with a guy. Got any advice? Part of me wants to just start raging against the world, but I want to give an alternative a chance.
Well all I can say is that you have to go one step at a time. It would be nice if life worked that way and you could magically be in a long-term relationship (I totally get how you feel btw- I'm in the same boat). Unfortunately it doesn't. Take things as they come and enjoy the ride. Life goes by so fast as it is, don't try to rush it.
Hey, I feel you I do. The coming out process can really suck especially when its so slow, and you can't just shout it from the rooftops. I know that's how it feels for me. But in the long run the slow route is the best way to go. It really allows you to truly get your bearings before throwing yourself into the world as an out and proud gay person. You just need to take it a day at a time. Get connected with other LGBT people through websites like Empty Closets, or even in person. See if there are any resources in and around where you live. As for the relationships through these outlets you just might find someone, and if not yet then it is coming soon. But for that to be easier you need to go through the coming out process and be completely comfortable with you. I hope it helps.
When I (incorrectly) identified as straight, I saw the world in terms of a relationship checklist to be completed: Get a GF, Go steady, Get engaged, Get married, Buy a house, Have children, etc. While I achieved this checklist efficiently, I realized at midlife that I was working the wrong checklist and not enjoying the journey. Now that I (correctly) identify as gay, I don't have a gay version of the checklist. My goal is to be happy and content with myself as a single person first and then seek the companionship of other men whose company I enjoy. If this leads to a relationship or more that's great, but enjoying the journey rather than achieving relationship milestones is the goal. It's been my experience that it's best not to start a relationship during the coming out high because it clouds your judgment. There are some people on EC who were able to find the love of their life during this period. Anecdotally there are in the minority, so please keep this in mind.
Your question is not whether you should or should not be in a relationship, it is how can you accept being patient. To that specific question, why do you need to accept being patient? Follow your path and see where it takes you. Be thoughtful about what actions you take as opportunities present themselves. Keep an open mind, but use common sense and judgement as well. The rest will take care of itself.
