Hi Beautiful People!! I'm a newbie. How do i say this hmm....I am out only to my best friend and technically here. :icon_wink I have to tell my story the short version just u guys to be able to understand what I'm rambling at. When i was in college, couple of my high school friends and i agreed to rent an apartment near our school. I don't exactly remember how or when i had have feelings for one of my close friend. All i can remember is that, every time our skin touched i have this tingling sensation all over my body and a bit over jealous of her spending time with her bf or some other close friends. I thought that was perfectly normal, U have to forgive me, i came from a God fearing family and i didn't know that there is such a rainbow flag at that time.ride: I still remember the first time we kissed or should've said i kissed her.One night when we were asleep (pretending to be sleeping ) Our position was facing each other, I am fully aware that we were so close, feels like breathing the same air. It was so intoxicating not to brushed my lips into her..my heart was pounding too fast and i was expecting that she will change her position but she didn't!!!I was amazed that she just laid still facing me and opened her mouth a bit. Morning came, i thought she will confront me but she didn't. It continued until we graduated So, for almost 4 yrs we pretended that nothing happened. Our friends were oblivious of what was happening to us. who will suspects us anyway, we both have boyfriends at that time. It was too much for me.My emotions were like a roller coaster ride I have no choice but to enjoy the bumpy ride . After graduation she moved to a different city for work. she got reconnected to our friends there and I was left behind coz i still have one semester left. I found out that she was dating, this wasn't new to me, I know she will find someone fast, she's beautiful and gentle hearted, that's hard to resist for a guy right.. even for me lol. ( 3 yrs after) I promised her that before I leave the country i will let her know what truly happened to us. 2 weeks before my flight, she invited me to stay in their house for a week . I said yes but I didn't have a strength to tell her. So, after a week i didn't say anything..I was a coward i couldn't tell her and fulfilled my promise. I recalled our last day, she said "if i will ask u to stay on my birthday, would u stay for just one day?". i told her i cannot.so, i left her on her birthday.:bang: Almost 10 years we didn't see each, but not entirely without no communication. Status: She"s married and no kids yet and I am engaged. Last year, Us and another friend of ours decided to had a vacation back home. She invited me to spent a week on their house so i did. We acted normal. I was thinking, whatever happened in the past was totally forgotten and i'm good with that.. like honestly..until our last night being together. Somehow we were back at the same scenario when were in college the only difference was i didn't kiss her. When we were sleeping (pretended to be) our legs, arms and feet caressed every time we moved and it was so erotic. I restrained myself not to hug her so i moved away from her and then.. she hugged me from behind and instantly our legs were entwined and i put my arms on top of hers and caressed it and pulled her closer. oh god it felt amazing!!. We stayed like that for about 5 mins. just in time that i wanted to hugged her back she moved away at the end of the bed.In the morning as usual we pretended that it didn't happen. The last time I checked ,I still have my wedding date and shes happily married (assuming). We are leaving in the same country now but different province. I am on my early 30's. Never been with a woman. What should i do now? Do i need to tell her?Now, I have qualms of getting married, what if, i will be happier with a woman. I will just ruin his life and mine.. Sorry for my long letter. I said short version but honestly guys this is the short version of my story :icon_sad: Hope you guys can help me. Thank you in advance!
My advice would be to talk to her and be honest with her. Otherwise you will always ask yourself what if. I'm sure it's not easy but I think it's easier now if you are not already married (depending on how the conversion is going). best of luck
Hi STBM, Welcome to EC. My heart goes out to you. I'm wondering... Have you talked to your fiancé about your feelings and attractions?
Thanks Houdini for your advice and for taking the time reading my long storm,i am grateful. I'm thinking about it. I guess i just need to accept the consequences. ---------- Post added 12th Feb 2016 at 02:28 PM ---------- Hi WanderingMind. No, I haven't. I just came out to my best friend a month ago. I can say, I am 10 feet inside the closet.Honestly, I don't really know what to do first. Thanks for reading my long letter btw and for replying back.
Aditay, what did you decide to do? Do you or have you had these feelings for other women over the years or just this one? I hope to hear your thoughts, anicegirly
Ok...first things first. If the marriage isn't right for you don't do it. You can delay it if you need to, rare than outright call it off, but it's easier to not get married then get divorced... Next...talk to her. Or find someone else talk to. A counseller/therapist. Is there a LGBT centre nearby? Is there somewhere you can ring? Talk to someone... And talk things through here...
Hi Anicegirly, I am struggling to come to a decision.I guess i always appreciate smart women.I aspire to be like them i never thought about it differently at that time. Its funny,I never give so much thought about it until now i am always attracted to metro sexual male but i don't have a strong feelings towards them.. Sorry going back to your questions..does it count my teacher in high school? and there was a gorgeous woman came to our office and i googled her..so yeah.. There were few instances i guessed women flirted with me but i couldn't be sure though.Its hard for me tell the difference if they are attracted to u or they just being affectionate.I consider myself an affectionate person so its hard..Thank u so much for reading my letter.
Hi. Thanks for the advice. I think i will delay first the wedding. Do u think it is right to ask her about the things that happened in the past? coz I am 100% sure that she will never leave her husband. So, is it worth it? we are both devout catholic it makes things harder for us and i am only out to my best friend. Yeah. There are lot of LGBT Centres here I guess.I don't know if I am ready yet. My best friend gave me this site she said it will help me and i am glad that i signed up coz u guys are amazing!!
Don't do anything that might hurt her. If you think talking to her might do that, then don't. But it does seem like she has feelings. I would go to a LGBT centre. You need to talk about this, work out what is in your head. Then decide what to do about her. But I'm thinking, the two of you should at least be in touch. That might help both of you... And yes, this place is amazing. I was falling apart when I joined here, just a few months ago. Now, my life has completely turned around, and I couldn't have done it on my own. I had no LGBT support centres nearby, this place was my only hope.
You wrote that you came out to your best friend. Have you talked to her/him about it? It might help to talk to someone who really knows you first if you are comfortable sharing with your best friend. And I know it is scary to talk about it (well for me it's scary to talk about feelings in general) but in my experience I always feel better afterwards. Even if the outcome is not what I hoped for, I can at least get over it and leave it in the past.
She knows and i am grateful to her...Someday i will face my fears I just hope its not too late for me..I am not a risk taker type and that is why i lost her or maybe i didn't meet yet the person who can push me over the edge for me to be able let go and be free... Thanks Houdini I envy u for being brave. Someday i will find my courage and just be done with it..(*hug*)
This sounds like a tough situation to be in. I would definetly delay the wedding if you can until you can figure out your feelings a bit more. How do you feel about your fiancé after acknowledging your feelings for your friend? I am in a kind of similar situation (although different circumstances) where I am wondering whether I should tell someone how I feel about them. How do you think she will react if you try and talk to her about it? It sounds like she has feelings for you too. I think if I was you I would want to tell her eventually otherwise as Houdini said you will always be left wondering 'what if'. Maybe an email or letter would be easier? Hard to talk about something that has gone unspoken for so long. Hope you find EC to be helpful, I know I have!
I always knew what i feel towards her i just didn't act on it for almost 12 years and i lost her. I am planning to visit her this summer and tell her face to face i guess, i wanted to see her reactions. My feelings for my fiance right now i don't know...i don't feel like talking to him. I know its unfair and he didn't deserve this treatment from me. I don't know if i would be able to tell my fiance about it. I guess, what he doesn't know know won't hurt him or maybe im wrong.. I feel relieved that i can talk about this here and it helps me a lot to know, accept and be open what i really i am and not to be ashamed of who i am little by little. Thank you for giving your time. I will read your post. Hope everything goes well to u. Good luck to us!
The thing is though that I am not really brave. But I always got to a point where not talking about it made me absolutely miserable and was eating me up from the inside. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat etc. So being physically ill "made me brave". And like dirtyshirt84 wrote if it is easier for you than talking maybe try writing about it. I often prefer it because it gives you time to think about what you really want to "say". But if you're not sure, give yourself time and just don't rush into anything (like a marriage). And if it helps, talk lots about it here on EC or with your best friend
