18yr relationship with man and in love with a woman

This is going to be a long post so apologies in advance! I've been with my partner 18 yrs we have 4 children 14yrs 13yrs 7yrs and 6yrs old. We've had our problems over the years but I have never felt unloved and he would bend over backwards for me. We have lived apart for 18 months due to him working away. Last July I met this amazing gay woman at work and instantly I was like wow! Never before have I instantly liked someone like that or been excited at meeting someone like I was her.

To begin with it was all innocent friendship and we would talk for ages via text about all sorts of things. To begin with she didn't tell me she was gay but I just knew and I'm not sure if that excited me even more. Later on came the flirting which got more and more intense. A month or so after meeting her I remember thinking to myself oh my god you are falling for a woman!!

One night in October she came over for dinner and we watched a movie when the kids went to bed. Prior to this I longed to be in an alone situation with her for something to happen. I feel incredibly guilty for this as I have always been faithful and loyal to my partner. Anyway we kissed and it was so nice. A couple of weeks later we both admitted we were so in love with eachother. A complication that neither of us could have foreseen.

Everyone around us can notice it's not a normal friendship and I eventually admitted to my partner who had become jealous of our friendship that I had confused feelings about her and was now confused about my sexuality. Along with this came huge heartache for him and I, he has tried to be supportive but is struggling. His business has folded as he couldn't cope with what I told him and he wants to move back home. I've told him not to at this time as it will make things worse for the kids if we do split. Because he is scared he is suffocating me and I can barely speak to my friend let alone see her and that hurts.

I feel like such a bad person for causing all this hurt to both people I now love. Although a committed gay experienced woman who is about 6yrs younger than me she has never loved anybody like she does me. I feel so selfish but I'm scared of losing them both, I'm not in love with my partner but he makes me feel safe and he is dependable and I do love him in my own way. All my adult life has been spent with him. I have never felt happier than when I am with her and after battling depression most of my life she has shown me how to smile and laugh again. I hate hurting people and I'm scared of change, I just don't know what to do or who I am right now!