Hey, I need some advice on a situation with an acquaintance of mine. I am gay...I am at the point that I do not broadcast it, but I do not deny who I am if someone asks me. Well, he acts very nervous around me. At first I thought it was because he found out about me and is unclear on how to talk to me. Something that I was not surprised about. Lately though it he has been getting more nervous around me. He will have a conversation with me if I start it, but he will not initiate it. When I do start a conversation with him, he is very open and friendly and moves closer to me...he will put an arm up on something near me. He also makes little eye contact with me or will make quick eye movements away from me. I was starting to think he is interested in me..and I am starting to get a crush on him based on these interactions and some of the hints he gives me. To make matters more complex, he is engaged to a lovely girl. They have been engaged now for at least two years. We share a common friend who is getting married and she talks all the time about her wedding plans, which makes him very nervous when people talk about her marriage. I guess what I would like are your takes on this situation. I mean he is very cute, but if he is gay/bi...do I want to get in the middle of situation with someone who is engaged to a woman that may not be going well.
I wasn't clear from your description -- does he know you are gay? If so, your instinct may be right. On the other hand, he may not be totally sure how to handle himself around you, as straight folks sometimes are. If he is in fact gay/bi/questioning, and interested, I can't see any version of this story where getting involved with this guy ends well for anyone. In that case, the best thing you can do to help him as a friend is help him come to enough of a realization that he doesn't go through with his marriage. Note that I'm not suggesting you try to talk him out of getting married. Perhaps you could have coffee with him and mention that when you were coming out, it was difficult because you had no one to talk to about it. If he's dealing with that, maybe it will encourage him to share. I dunno -- I'm not the most skilled with these things. Anyone else?
This guy sounds like how I acted in my late teens- twenties around people who were any form of out. Aka a shameless flirt. But that might be projection. Looking back I kind of wish people had done what I'm suggesting (also projecting, I think). Clear the air. He's engaged and marriage bells are ringing for friends. Only a matter of time before he either marries her or doesn't it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. At worst it ends badly. At best it ends well. In any event -- it will end. Dealing with an engaged dude is not the same mess as dealing with a married dude. I mean unless they've booked the chapel or whatever. Who knows he might be straight as sin and getting his ego fix off of you. Or not. You might be reading tea leaves/wanting to see signs because he's cute. You won't know until you try. And it might be better (for you) if you're not crushing on the unattainable. But it is easy to suggest that from the other side of a computer screen. In the end you have to do what is best for your life. PC
I think you should let time does it thing, you can just come closer and have a little conversation with him about his feelings...just being honest to him and asking him to be too....let the door open for him to trust in you, but yeah is difficult because if he is with a girl for that long....but just dont be the ''other person'' in the relationship, you wouldn't like other person to cheat on you either
you too should be both settle to your issues you being Gay and him to his engagement, ask him first so you're not thinking for any possibilities which can be false signals (Im just talking real) and if that part has been settled you can explore each others feelings. __ best of luck and keep blossoming my dear
