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False Beliefs

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Lindsey23, Feb 19, 2016.

  1. Lindsey23

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    When I was in high school I saw a therapist who told me I wasn't gay. His reasoning was that people who are gay know in early childhood and since I didn't know until I was in middle school I couldn't be gay. I knew I wasn't straight, at the time I was questioning whether I was gay or bi but I was very certain that I wasn't straight. I believed what he said though, and I thought that most gay people did know in early childhood that they were gay. I felt like I was this abnormal gay person for not knowing sooner. I also had this idea in my head that most gay people who were out of the closet never struggled to accept their sexuality. I don't know where that thought came from but I believed both these things until I found EC. It was close to 20 years that I believed this. It seems so stupid now. I mean, just imagine, there's a little girl on her first day in kindergarten, she puts her crayon down for a moment and thinks, "You know, all my friends are girls, I love Rainbow Brite, I must be a lesbian, and that's ok." Sooo realistic...

    I had another belief that I'm really unsure of now. I thought that most lesbians would reject me for being in a straight marriage. I don't mean dating either, that would be understandable. I mean I'm scared that if I tried to reach out to other lesbians they would treat me like I'm not really gay because I've only dated men and I'm currently married to one. I had this idea that "real" lesbians wouldn't be ok with those who have been married to men. And I'm like this fake abnormal lesbian or something. I'm seeing a new therapist who is a lesbian though and she seemed surprised when I told her this. Apparently most lesbians have had relationships with men, it's common. She didn't think I'd be rejected. Coming from her that meant a lot.

    Has anyone else had false beliefs that made them feel isolated? How did you come to realize they weren't true?
     
  2. Boatman

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    Hi Lindsey, I can relate to what you say I mostly put false beliefs on myself, I kept telling myself I was straight over and over until I believed it. Mostly it was due to bullying and trying to protect myself. Going to counselling and saying I'm gay for the first time was undescribale. But it took a while for me to get the words out looked at myself in a very different way after saying them
     
  3. cakepiecookie

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    I also had the worry about not being accepted by other lesbians. There is the occasional judgmental asshole out there (mostly online), but most lesbians I meet IRL are fine with it. I went to a meet-up the other day and one of the most obviously gay-looking women there was talking about an ex-boyfriend she used to live with. It was good to realise that I wasn't the only one.
     
  4. YeahpIdk

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    Is this the official test for being a lesbian? Because then I pass.
     
  5. RavenTheRat

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    I didn't know I was a lesbian until High School, simply because I was sheltered and didn't even know lesbians existed. I just passed off my feelings for girls as "oh she's pretty", and my lack of feelings for guys as "Just haven't found the right one".
     
  6. Lindsey23

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    Thank you so much for sharing this. It's really comforting to know.




    This is the official test. And anyone who doesn't like Rainbow Brite is out. No exceptions!



    I felt this way when I was just beginning middle school. I really didn't get why I was starting to notice girls. It was just this odd feeling I couldn't define.



    Hi Boatman, I did this too! It never really worked though, I could never really believe it.
     
  7. Rydia

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    I didn't even have any real understanding of what it meant to be a lesbian until I was in high school, so while I may or may not have been aware of an attraction to girls before that point, I didn't have any concept of what that meant. I never dated boys/men, but I also never considered there was any other option, besides just not dating, until much later in life. I just kept waiting to actually meet a guy I was interested in enough to date, which never happened.

    Most people are assumed to be straight and there is a lot of pressure from an early age to have a bf/gf of the opposite gender, get married and have kids like the majority of "normal" people do.

    Throw in homophobia and lack of proper education and it's not surprising at all that a lot of gay people end up in "straight" relationships before they recognize and/or come to terms with their same sex attractions.

    I have seen alleged lesbians who are very anti-bi, anti-non-goldstar, etc. online, but I don't think there's that much of that in the real world.

    Considering the relatively small dating pool, most of the lesbians I know are more worried about finding someone that they want to date that actually wants to date them, than making sure they live up to some standard of pure lesbianism or something.