I'm tired of always running from something. I want to basically plant my flag somewhere and say this is who I am, deal with it. But I also don't want to be confrontational; I want to be accepting just as much as I want to be accepted. I am tired of trying to escape my reality, even though I don't like my reality. I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels... Not sure where all that was going, but thanks for listening.
The easy answer is, no, not really. But the more honest answer is that I don't know. My biggest fear is harassment at work, however subtle. I know that some gays are protected by antidiscrimination laws, but I'm unfortunately fairly certain that I'm not one of them.
Sometimes, a person reaches a point where they just need to take a stand. It seems you are getting closer and closer to that point of stepping over that line and taking such a risk. There will always be impediments stopping you from doing so, and excuses why it's better to stand still than move forward. At some point, you need to push them aside, confront your fears and get on with life. That choice to do so is obviously yours.
Sometimes...it's okay to say not here; not now. But, when we say that...we must ask ourselves...what does that mean? What am I giving up, and is it worth it? Is it really not the time, or place? Is there something in me that feels unsettled that I'm trying to numb by simply adopting the mindset of not here; not now? If you're numbing and denying....find a friend or a therapist to talk it out and help you overcome your anxiety. And, if it's truly not the time or place. That's awesome. Own it, and be the best, most authentic you, and then, you will be at peace. Now, paraphrase all that back to me...I need the same advice delivered daily...lol.
My sense from reading your original post is that you are recognizing your behavior patterns of running from something and spinning your wheels and posting them for all to see. You are ready to move beyond these unproductive patterns and to get to a place where you can confront and accept reality and stop spinning your wheels. The logical next questions to ask yourself are (1) do you move? and (2) do you come out where you live today? Certainly somewhere in your thought process you entertain the possibility that you might be running away if you decided to move. It's likely that a fresh start in an LGBT friendly area will help you gain traction towards living an authentic life, assuming you take advantage of the new environment. Otherwise it would be another form of escape. You'll have to assess for yourself which case applies to you. Another thought process (albeit counterintuitive) is to come out (or at least be prepared to come out) where you live today and then see if you need to move. This will allow you to remove the constraint of being in the closet and allow you to gain traction towards living an authentic life without the need to move. This may be the simpler and scarier of the two options, since it avoids putting things off until after you move.
"to be Gay is Beautiful." thats according to you, so basically you just need to accept, love and embrace yourself being one, and from there you can be gorgeous as F*ck theres no doubt about that. <3
