Hi, everyone, I've posted several times with portions of my coming out late story, but have also maintained an off-site blog since the day I came out. I've wanted to link to it to share my story, but since that isn't possible I've copied over all my off-site entries to my on-site blog - available here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/blogs/johnnywisdom/. I didn't do this to draw attention to myself, but in the hope that some part of my story would help someone else here on EC. I hope posting this doesn't violate any terms or seem out of place. It Gets Better - it really does. Hang in there.
You are a very good writer, and thanks for sharing your blogs. I have some things in common with you, even if I'm not gay. I'm bisexual and in a marriage with a wonderful woman who is supportive of me. But I'm living behind the façade of a typical hetero marriage and am not out as the full me. My challenge is coming out and dealing with all of the questions. Why do that when I don't have to? Well, I have to if I want to be the real me. Thanks again for sharing. I'm trying to envision a better end state that is beyond a coming out process. My situation is significantly different than yours, but I've still learned from you.
Thanks for sharing the blogs and your story. That's an extensive collection of blog entries that can help people understand what to expect during their journey towards authenticity.
Good stuff, man. I read through it all in high-speed mode. I'm glad you are finding self-compassion and that the process seems to be moving along. Good luck!
Thanks, everyone. Do any of you have any idea how I go about deleting the duplicate entries I've somehow made? I can't find an option to delete them anywhere. Adray, I was 'bisexual' for the first 13 years of my marriage, but out to only my wife. In reality, I was a closeted homosexual who couldn't get past his internalized homophobia. I, too, sought a way to live more openly when I was bisexual, which is what led me to realize I am gay and didn't want another sex partner, but instead wanted a same-sex partner. For the 9 months prior to my coming out, my wife and I had talked tentatively about opening our marriage and either going outside of it for gratification or bringing someone else in. Once I realized what either of those options would look like, I knew I wouldn't be content with a part-time guy or sharing him with my wife. I want to find and fall in love with a man all my own. This may not speak to your situation at all - I'm adamant that there are true bisexuals - but hope that you can find a way to live openly within your marriage. I couldn't.
Yes, we are different. And I really respect your courage and being true to yourself. I think I'm a true bisexual. I've been attracted to men and women forever. It took me some time to accept that I'm bisexual (this was in my 20's, twenty years ago). I'm aware that it can change in people, but in my case, it has been like concrete solidifying. I don't see it changing, and I'm happy where I'm at. I'm reading, learning, and trying to decide when/how to come out beyond my wife and a small circle of friends in a state I used to live in. I was more out in my 30's than I am here and now, and I remember how great that was. I'll start a thread on my situation again soon. Sorry to derail yours and others' posts if I have in any way. I really identified with your feeling of the façade of hetero marriage - my challenge is not taking the easy way out by waiting longer and longer.
Some beautiful, eloquent thoughts in there that shine a light through the darkness as we grapple with finding our own authenticity & happiness. Have your migraines & depression been better since you came out as I have suffered with the same problems.
My migraines have eased over the last two years since I left the high-stress field of teaching. But, yes, there has been an additional decrease in them since September as well. And the depression, well, it comes and goes but it's nothing like it used to be. I still battle anxiety but my life is in such transition now that it's hard to say if it's better or worse - just different. I know this much, I'd rather be where I am now than anywhere else.
JW, thanks for sharing your journey. I too have made a decision to stay monogamous and live with my wife. It felt like a burden was lifted off my shoulders when I came out to her over 3 years ago. She is my best friend and I love her.
Thank you for sharing your story. It mirrors mine being a teacher and kids involved, except my wife does not know in WAS bi. Over the the year and a half I have come out to myself as gay. I have two very close friends that I have came out to and they are very supportive, which I knew they would be, called it my safe coming out people. I also told my dad this past Sunday via phone call since he lives in another state, his response after a moment of silence was "Son, I love you regardless", I cried, he was one I was unsure of the reaction I would get. I'm planning on telling my mom and brother the coming weekend since it's our monthly lunch date with mom and her boys as she calls it. I have a feeling my mom knows something is up, because she has been asking me if I'm ok because I don't seem to be myself, which is so true. After that I will come out as gay to my wife, the reason I'm not telling her yet is I really don't know how she is going to handle it, it's all the fear of the unknown, but I will have to do it.
Good for you, Forhim. It's hard to decide who to tell first. I went with telling my best friend first because I needed to 'try it on', so to speak, and get a feel for someone's reaction. If it hadn't gone well, I might have stayed in the closet longer, but since it was so painless and she was so accepting I felt guilty not telling my wife also. It just took me six months before I did. Haha. Moguy, I'm monogamous for now, but we will seek our separate ways over the next year. We have been trying to decide when is the best time to divorce - insurance, custody, taxes, etc. Once we have that figured out we'll move forward with it and be 'single' and keep living together for convenience as long as necessary/possible.