Posts from others - male & female there seems to be a few people, particularly men who felt they were bi but this changed over time. Are there many women that can relate to this? Sometimes I think I might be bi but mostly I feel I'm a lesbian. I read on a guys thread someone saying about the same sex attraction not going away. It struck a chord. I don't look at a man and think "WOW" , I might think he's nice or attractive but I don't want to be with a man. I do get a "WOW" with women. If I fantasize it's about women not men. I have been in a relationship with a woman. I'm sitting here with a relative, thinking about talking about how I feel. I haven't come out to anyone except the LBGT group I went to. The relative knows about the relationship I had & was a bit shocked but ok.
Yeah, i can relate. I don't know if my preferences changed or if i just didn't recognize them before. I identified as a bi a long time (something like 10 years) and even before that i had female crushes. Now i'm seriously thinking that i might be gay and maybe i just blocked all the little signals along the years. I still some days think that maybe i'm imagining everything. And i am just bi. But then i think about having sex with a male and that doesn't just feel anything i might enjoy anymore. On the other hand, sex with women is something i fantasize regularly (zero actual experiences). I'm married and i have a strong emotional connection with my husband but at the moment it is only emotional. I'm a bit overwhelmed with different kind of feelings and can't seem to think straight (no pun intended).
When I first realised I wasn't straight I assumed I was bi. I have kids, so I must be, right? It's taken years for me to realise that I am a lesbian. It actually never occurred to me that I am lesbian, I never queried myself, until that thought entered my head and it was an almost instant "of course I'm lesbian" I think there are a lot of women who have been, or are in, relationships with men, that go with the I am bi idea, because that's easier to accept. I think some men do the same thing regarding their relationships with women. It's taken me a long time to work it out, but I finally feel like myself. See which label feels right...I use gay more than I do lesbian, I also use queer... Go with whatever feels right for you.
Thank you both for replying, I'd been thinking this is just me,helps knowing it's not. The straight made me smile, I kept thinking rather than bi I'm a "straight lesbian", no pun intended. I would have been very, very aware as a child that being gay would not be "allowed". My parents are very ridged, strict. Their way or the highway. My Dad uses the term "Queer", because of the way he spits it out with a face wrinkled with disgust I personally don't use that - he can be horrible. My parents know gay/lesbian couple ,Dad insists on dropping the word queer in if he speaks to them because he knows they don't like it. Thanks for helping me consider what feels right for me, a reminder we are all different. I have wondered if I was gay from childhood too & it was suppressed by me and the family I grew up in. I've got kids too. Hearing you say gay rather than lesbian feels right for me, thanks for that! This is the only place I have to talk this stuff over right now, you helped.
It's a long process, figuring out who you are, working out what is right for you. I guess I was lucky. There was never any homophobia when I was growing up, it would have been a different story, I think, if my father had been around. I've always been little weird, a little left of centre so queer appeals to that side of me. But when I came out to my kids, I called myself gay and that still feels like the best label for me. My youngest child is 12 and not only completely unconcerned but actively encouraging. (have I said how awesome he is?). Do what is right for you. Whatever that turns out to be.
When I first recognized I wasn't straight I assumed I must be bi. I was married to a man at the time, with two little kids. I didn't really stick with the label bi for long though. Once I allowed myself to *really* consider the possibility that I might be gay it clicked for me pretty quickly and I just knew. I think though that once I dug into "wow, guess I'm not straight" things moved unusually fast compared to what I hear other people describe.
Hi, inamirrordarkly your youngest is awesome! You must be proud of him. Things are a lot different now to when I was 12! My mother is homophobic but Dad is the worst. My sister has 2 kids over 21, the youngest has got his 1st girlfriend - I'm sure he's gay, I think my parents were thinking the same, I heard Dad saying to Mum, "Thank goodness he's got a girlfriend at last". yeehaw, hi, I have gone through times of telling myself I am straight - but I know I'm not, then thinking I am bi but like you I'm beginning to think I'm gay not bi.I've been married like you, got kids but they're older. They know I've had a relationship with a woman, I don't think my youngest will react to all this well but my oldest - I think, would come round. I can't live a life to keep others happy anymore. At the moment I feel quite alone in this, apart from here and going to a local group I've not talked to anyone.
Birdie145, hugs!!! I have done a lot of reading since I met my friend and developed these intense feelings for her. Women especially tend to be "sexually fluid" and are more open to loving either gender. I have a friend whose mother-in-law is in love with a woman yet swears she is not a lesbian. I always said that was ridiculous, how can she not be a lesbian, that's what loving a woman instead of a man means!!! And now...Well I had to admit to my friend I get it now and I apologized. But Birdie, I honestly do not identify as gay. I look at other women and find them pretty and generally attractive, but I do not think of having an intimate relationship and life with another woman, just my friend. I still find men attractive but would not enjoy sex with one as much now that I know what it feels like to make love with a woman, but I could still do it if I wanted to. I don't want to. I do not want to have sex with my husband but it's because I love him as a friend now, I am not in love with him. I really only told my husband I was gay because I thought it would make it all easier to understand, I didn't think he would be hung up so much on the how it even happened over email and not believe the why which was he checked out and made me feel unimportant for too long and my feelings changed and then I fell in love with a woman. I thought my telling him I was gay when he is not tolerant would be enough for him to let me go and it wasn't. And now he uses it to guilt trip me and cause me more pain. I struggle with the label thing now too. I know one day it will be assumed I am gay when I am seen with my friend, and I know it will be easier to let people assume that but it makes me mad too because it doesn't really feel like who I am. I am not ashamed of loving her but I should be able to love who I want without having to declare I am gay. I read the book "Dear John, I Love Jane" which I highly recommend. One writer said she used to be straight, now she isn't but she is still the same person. I really like that, along with not completely straight. You are right that you can't live a life to make others happy anymore. You have to live a life to make yourself happy, even if it's not a popular or understood decision. You are not alone.
Hi thanks for reply. It is helping to know I'm not alone. I might look at a man & think he's attractive or a nice people but I'm not wanting to be with a man at all. Women, I can look at a woman and think "WOW!", I'm checking women out. Your hubby is probably trying to hold onto you, it's a difficult place to be at for both of you, it must have taken courage to tell him.Do you plan living with your friend? I'll have a look at that book - thanks.
