Well today is the day I will be telling my mom and brother that I am gay. I have been up most of the night (there's some crazy stuff on TV @ 3 in the morning). I'm nervous, anxious all rolled up into one. Since my step-dad passed away last year, my brother and I meet mom once a month together for breakfast and today's that day. I thing the reason I'm nervous and all is because this is the first face to face coming out for me. I have been trying to relax, but how does someone really prepare themselves to tell family there gay? I did dream about it the other night, I said I need to tell you both something that's important to me, I'm gay, can you pass the eggs please. LOL If it was really going to be this easy, I hope so but I can bet it will not be. When I told my dad it was over the phone since we live in different states. He was more excepting than I had planned. Little background: I am married with two kids 19 & 15, I am out to my dad, and two very good friends who are my major support and rock right now in this journey.
Telling family members that you are gay in person is stressful, so your reaction of being nervous and anxious is quite normal. Make sure that you've practiced your script and have thought about possible questions and answers. I'm guessing you are nervous because you don't know how they will react when you come out. This for me has been the most stressful part of coming out. While in general you want to be optimistic about their reactions, you always have to be prepared for rejection or a homophobic reaction. Again your best defense is to have a response planned out for this worst case. Depending on your mom's age and health, please keep in mind that she may need time to process the message and give her time if she's not overwhelming accepting at first. Hang in there. You'll feel better once you tell them. (&&&)
Good Luck. Hopefully you find it quite anticlimactic with most of the stress in your own mind. That was my experience at least. When I told one family member in particular, I said "Hey, I have something very important to tell you". He said, "what, your going to tell me your gay?". I responded, "yes, that's exactly what I was planning on telling you". He said "Ok, stop joking, what is it you really want to tell me?" Geez! When I told both my mother and father (separately as they are divorced as well), they both were very supportive, were not surprised at all, and were more concerned about my family. Good Luck!
Be prepared for the worst, obviously, but hope for the best. For the majority of the people I've talked to, the worrying was generally far worse than the actual experience. Telling my wife was hard and ugly, but telling my kids (18 and almost 15 now) was easier than I expected. And my siblings' reactions ranged from "Whaaaat???" to "I'm not really surprised" to "You're far more brave than I ever could be". Be strong! Good luck.
Well I did it. My mom was very excepting, which I was unsure of. My brother was excepting, which I expected him to be. Mom told me that family sticks together regardless of what goes on or happens. I cried all the way home. Now the next big step is to tell my wife, but I have to get over this coming out first. I do feel that part of the world has been lifted off my chest. (*hug*) to everyone for the advice, it means a lot. ---------- Post added 27th Feb 2016 at 11:50 AM ----------
Forhim, Congratulations on coming out to your mom and brother. Her response was wonderful and amazing! Coming out and sharing our secret with others is so liberating and helps ease the burden we've had to bear for many years because we no longer need to live a double life and hide this important aspect of ourselves from others (*hug*)
After telling my mom and brother, when I got home I'm emotionally tired and I'm not really sure why. I'm thinking it's because I had myself so worked up emotionally about it because I didn't know what the response would have been from them. Did anyone else have this?
Given that you were up most of the night because you were emotionally worked up, it's not surprising that you are tired. If there were a lot of strong emotions during the conversation with your mom and brother, that could contribute to it as well. One thing to keep in mind is that your wife may begin to pickup on your emotional state. You'll probably want to be prepared with a response in case she does.
Thanks SiennaFire for the advice. (*hug*). I was thinking that's what it could be, but was unsure. I took a nap and woke up thinking coming out to them was a dream until I looked at my phone with a text from mom telling me she loves me and was proud I could share with her. I did think about her start picking up on my change in emotional state. She had to work today, so that is a good thing so it gives me time to recover. However she does pick up on thing like this, I am prepared to tell her if it does go there.
Great job, ForHim! Keep us updated. I remember being emotionally exhausted after each person, like a huge letdown. It's normal, I think.
