Taking stock of my life and Coming out: follow up to my last post

As a follow up to my last post I wanted to share where I'm at now. I'm doing awesome and I feel great. This website really helped in the way that I read posts about how scared and miserable people were in the closet and I was like holy shit I cannot spend the rest of my life like this. So I came out to a few more people and went to a lesbian support group (where I let them think I wasn't just stepping out of the closet because I am embarrassed I am doing it at 35 instead of in my teens, but that's a topic for another post). After I went to the group, I was reminded that when I was a young teen in the pre-Ellen days, I was going to a support groups for gay teens. I didn't tell my parents where I was going, but my mom one day guessed what it was and asked me if I was gay. I don't remember what I said back because I just remember how she blew up at me and was just generally awful about coming to the realization that I was gay. I think she told me it was so bad and shameful and I was so horrible for being attracted to girls, but I've blocked out most of what she said because it was so painful and I couldn't have been older than 13 or so. Never the less the shame stuck with me until today.

I have a plan that I am going to come out to my mom on Wednesday before I leave town for about 10 days and she can cry and scream and blow up or whatever the fuck she wants to do by herself. There is no fucking way I am dealing with that again, once was bad enough. Maybe she'll surprise me and be supportive this time, but I'm not holding my breath.

I've reached out to lots of people and I am actually pleasantly surprised at the reaction I've gotten. Of course the other lesbians I know have been super supportive and nice to me which is awesome considering I have been simultaneously fascinated and repelled/terrified of lesbians since my mom blew up at me when I was a teen. I never appreciated how much that blow up impacted me and I just feel so sad that any parent would that to their child. Oh well, onward and upward.

 

Thank you. I noticed this in another post too, but I think you are meaning to write accepting instead of excepting...FYI.