Does/did anyone have a period of time when they found there same sex thoughts a little icky and difficult to have? I find it very difficult to allow the sexual thoughts in my head and to sit with them comfortably. Can anyone relate?
Oh God yes. Living in the South Church is a huge part of life. After hearing how "unnatural" my feeling were I started to believe it. I thought something was wrong with me, and there was. I allowed ignorance to keep me from living. I'm not completely out yet, but since I've open up I can tell I've realized the shame and frustration of my attraction to guys is basically gone. I'm beginning to feel more comfortable with my sexuality slowly but progress is progress
I don't recall that thoughts about guys were ever icky. The first time I performed fellatio it was a little awkward for me, but I soon got over my apprehension and reticence. Based on your previous thread, you should continue to work with your therapist to determine if you have any attraction to other guys or if you are having obsessive thoughts that you might be gay or bisexual (based on the OCD diagnosis of your previous therapist).
Uhm yes by the way you describe it , I guess you should revisit the possibility of OCD! Not to discourage posting here but please don't ask questions which will help you feel more affirmed to your desired or originally sexuality. It is reassurance behavior which will just aggravate your confusion.instead talk about your emotions and hardships and rest your shoulder on EC
I suffered from heterosexual OCD of post traumatic anxiety spectrum. When I had straight thoughts they were icky and I couldn't sit comfortably with such thoughts in my head like you said. So I guess you should stick to your diagnosis
If this is to me I mean icky. Sorry I would never say oh God yes to the other lol. I have struggled accepting these desires as not being "gross". I haven't had sex with a guy (I'm married to a woman and will not step out on her we will have resolution before I do that), but the idea of being with a man is more and more desirable. Not sure your background with church and family and stuff. For me I was accepting there view as truths, when they aren't. I hate that your struggling. I hate that I am to (although I do feel better I'm moving forward).
@warner. Are your thoughts on the line - woah to get intimate with a man would be so pleasurable but eww with a man? That's wrong isnt it? . or were the thoughts of being intimate with a man itself icky
The icky thoughts I feel confident were connected to the moral view of my family and friend. The idea I should not want that is what caused my apprehension. Looking back at the times my best friend would stay the night, he always slept in bed with me. Eventually we started snuggling and it felt right while we were together. But as soon as I was alone I would feel shame and dirty as crazy as that sounds.
Well the feeling I had was a kind of disgust. The feeling you get when you picturise getting intimate with your mother or granny. A complete lack of sexual attraction and disgust around unwanted body contact and intimacy. A feeling of misfit or wrongness. I guess the OP has similar feelings. Which is different from the kind of disgust associated with denial rooted in family and religious values