Dealing with distressing experiences like memories of emotional abuse, anxiety, and depression take a lot of my energy, and at times I feel like it sucks everything out of me just to stay afloat. In order to get myself to a better mental & physical place to deal with these difficulties and life’s problems in general, I need to invest some time and energy into identifying what I stand for as a person: what I value. My values act as a kind of reference guide or compass for who I am, how I act in particular situations and where I want to go in life. If I possess a clear sense of purpose and direction, and act according to my values, then I will less likely to feel overwhelmed or be knocked off course when I experience challenging situations. My values might be based on how I was brought up, on religious or spiritual tradition, or particular ethics or approach to life that I have adopted. I might value being calm, honest, considerate, ‘giving people a fair go’, being creative, thoughtful, reliable, ‘doing my best’. Whatever the history of my values, they are essentially my sense of the right way for me to live. When I act in accordance with my values, I generally see my life as purposeful and meaningful. I’ve learnt that I usually hold my values implicitly; in other words, I don’t often consciously think about and name my values in a structured way. By identifying my values, I will establish a basic guide for my life and bring them out to my conscious. I need to take some time to think about the following areas of my life, and try to identify a word or sentence or two about what is important to me; what kind of person do I want to be and how would I like to act in these areas of life? Here is my list so far and it will be ever-expanding: Self-care & love – self-acceptance, love myself, respect myself, reward myself, and admit I’m human and learning every day and doing the best I can every day and living according to my personal truth Family relationships – loving, caring, supportive, respectful, non-judgemental Sister – loving, caring, supportive, respectful, non-judgemental Uncle role to my nieces – loving, caring listener, affectionate, supportive My pet cats/fur babies – loving, caring, and affectionate Animals & Environment – loving, caring, compassionate, respect and honour Friendships – honest, mateship, ‘being there when needed’, loving, caring listener, supportive, respectful, non-judgemental Work – hard working, acting with integrity, efficient, reliable Education – open minded, informed, doing my best Recreation, leisure – fun, relaxing, life experiences Spirituality – consideration, tolerance, compassionate Community involvement – commitment, giving back, connecting with people Health and well-being – quiet time, variety, generosity to others Keeping a record of what I value and how I want to live my life can be useful. When I look back on this ever-growing list I’ve created, the next step is to start to take some small steps that make these a valued part of how I live and act in my life. This approach to life does not mean I will never be confronted by difficult situations, unwelcome thoughts and uncomfortable feelings. It is just my focus on calming and centring myself and acting in accordance with what I have established as my preferred, valued way of living life.
Identifying and listing personal values seems like a good idea to me. I think I'll try it myself. I've gradually discarded nearly all of the faith I held strongly for several decades. A subset of the values are really about all that is left. Over the last several months I've recognized a sense of being adrift. So I've been watching for something that might replace that formerly strong sense of purpose I (delusionally) felt from religion. The values inventory might provide good stimulus for thought. Thanks.
I think about values a lot, and what it means to live life in accordance with them. And the conclusion I have come to for me is that "discovering my values" plays out better for me when I think of it in terms of "discovering who I am" or figuring out how I'm wired, and living my life in a way that is respectful of who I am at my core--the parts of my core that I'm not in control of and don't get to pick. I think its ultimately about self acceptance. If I can see and also accept/honor who I am at my core and live life in a way that is lined up with who I am, probably I'm going to feel more alive and vital and interested and engaged in life.
Thank you for your reply. I must admit that I agree with you in some context (I'm still challenging my own belief in religion and spirituality). It can be like a tug-of-war with spirituality/religion and I think it comes down to this: to find my own religion/spirituality within myself and nurture that connection with the powers that be and not allow it to be influenced by others. I can respect/appreciate others views, etc. but I must always come back to the connection between ME and my faith which is based on my belief system. This can be hard because our entire lives we have been conditioned and our conscious and subconscious minds have been infiltrated with other external beliefs. Let's keep trying to build on this.... ---------- Post added 7th Mar 2016 at 01:34 PM ---------- Very well written yeehaw. It does come down to the fact: We need to find our inner child/core, the entity that was born - before it was conditioned by family, friends and society. Our true core holds our true happiness, because if we respect our own core, we will live fulfilled lives that please ourselves and not others. This is in no way being narcissistic like some may interpret it (not judging, just commenting), but I believe now that I have to love MY CORE unconditionally before anything else that comes my way in this lifetime.
