Hi! I feel pretty down. I have this thought in my head all the time, that I need to be more open about my orientation. I am a bit shy as a person, and I don´t tell people around me that I am bi. If they ask me; do you have a boyfriend? I usually just say no, without correcting them that I am bisexual. It somehow makes me feel like a coward, but I know how judging ppl can be and I am so sensitive to critisicm. I have not been open about this at my previous jobs for example, and sometimes it feels like I "have" to be more open, since it´s the societynorm being very open and babbling. Many of my friends know that I like both men and women, but not all of them. It somehow makes me feel like a bad friend. This is confusing and except from all this I have GAD, generalized anxiety disorder which doesn´t make things easier... Anyone who recognize themselves?:smilewave
Maybe it would help to be really clear with yourself about why you feel pressure to be more open with others about your sexual orientation. In your post you seemed to be saying that you feel you need to because it is the society norm to be "very open and babbling." If your only motivation to share is because you feel you should because others do, or it's the society norm, then I think you can try simply letting yourself off of the hook. Just because it's right for others doesn't mean it's right for you. If YOU don't want that level of openness, it really is ok for you to remain quiet when that feels right to you way down deep in your core. However, if what you really want is to feel free to be open, but you are afraid of the repercussions, then it's more nuanced. Then you get to weigh the plusses and minuses of being open when it feels safe enough to do that. In my case I really want to be 100% open with the world. *I* want that, for my own well being. But I'm scared of employment repercussions. So I'm not as open as I want to be and it often feels like shit. But I'm choosing to be where I am right now, because it's all I'm ready for at the moment. And it does kind of help me to recognize that I'm *choosing* not being as open as I want for now. I have hope that will change in the future. And honestly, lately, I'm starting to wonder if not being open is feeding some of the nasty depression I've been dealing with lately, and if that connection becomes more clear to me, then I'll consider the risks of staying quiet to be riskier than I originally thought and will reevaluate what is right for me. Best wishes navigating this tricky territory.
That feeling of not being honest with the world and those around you, yeah it kinda sucks. It makes me feel somewhat invalidated as a person too. I'm trying to take that big leap of rip off the bandaid then hide on my couch approach on Facebook, plus a letter to my dad since he doesn't trust that Facebook stuff.
Being honest with yourself is a big first step - it felt huge for me! I have problems with anxiety too - made it difficult to go to a coffee group but afterwards I was really glad I'd pushed through the fear and nerves, the women were friendly and I felt comfortable. I really don't understand why our sexual preferences are relevant to doing a job. I've heard of people being asked the same question for renting housing, even recently the police asked me following them dealing with something - said it was for home office statistics (I wasn't in trouble ). Totally agree suppressing,hiding who we are can lead to depression. One step at a time.
