So for what ever reason yesterday I woke up and memory train hit me! And that damn thing hit me so hard! It was not an easy day for me yesterday, it's like memories from so many ears just completely flooded me ! Well I remembered that I had crushes on women since ever... I was attracted to women all of my life... And she's far from being my first crush! I was so deeply suppressing it all of my life! And living in homophobic family and homophobic countries I guess didn't help the matter... It was (and still is) complete emotional turmoil, I don't even know how to deal with this
Hey - what helps you process things? I like to write when I need to process. Even if it's just to write the memories. Sometimes the feelings come along with them. Especially if you don't have someone to talk to. Therapy is a great place to process, but sometimes it takes time to find, and it also takes time to trust. There is nothing like homophobic family to make you suppress and repress. I didn't come out to my parents until earlier this year and I've been aware of my orientation for almost 20 years. My ex came out to his family about a year ago, after six months of recognizing and accepting his orientation. I'm not sure if there is an LGBT support network in your area; there's actually very little in my city except PFLAG, and they only meet once a month at a time I can't make due to a standing commitment. This website keeps me grounded with these issues. (*hug*)
No, there's no support what so ever, I live in fairly remote community and a redneck community, so really there's nobody to talk to Yeah since I found this place it's the only place I can talk about this Frankly it almost feels like I am just put it in my head may be just seeking attention, just doesn't feel real
Hi koza. Oh no, this is not attention seeking, otherwise you wouldn't be here and sharing your experience sincerely. I know how it is to become "flooded" with feelings and memories. Think of it as your body and mind opening up - no longer holding the water back - so that the energy may flow freely. You will discover much more about yourself. It may feel unreal at times, but that is only because a little part of you no longer has the power to control and censor some of your truth. And that is a good thing. Feel free to post whenever you need support, we're here for you!
Well I guess it is safe to say I am attracted to a girl, I guess being aroused by touching her is a good sign I am attracted to girls... Still too scared to kiss her , ugh!! ---------- Post added 8th Mar 2016 at 11:38 PM ---------- And I don't even know how I feel about it... Sort of numbness, and yet I want her so bad !
I can relate. When the memories hit it was like crap. And I to live in a redneck town. Your so not alone in this.
To realize that some of the feelings were not- just friends- but crushes and loves- tore me apart- Then I felt like I had the largest question that has seemed to dog me most of my life- answered- I had not failed as a friend I had not had a chance to express love- and have it accepted or rejected So the memory train- comes and goes for me- and I let go where it wants and I ride along
