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Is it ok?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Justasking100, Mar 11, 2016.

  1. Justasking100

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    Is it ok to think, you know what for whatever reason I'm not sure I could live a life with a same sex partner. I mean there are no rules invoice of it's something I really don't feel comfortable with.

    There is one thing talking about it, writing about it and then a whole different kettle of fish doing something about it in reality.

    Is the 'not doing anything about it' cowardly or just they way I'm made? I guess I am held back by an obsessive diagnosis that is a total mind fuck.

    I think my brain is not working properly.

    ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2016 at 12:37 AM ----------

    No rules that say
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    There are plenty of single LGBT folks doing just that.
     
  3. baristajedi

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    There is no blueprint for how to live your life after coming out of the closet. You could stay with your hetero partner, and try to open the marriage or try to find fulfillment in some other way. You could separate from your hetero partner and be single, and find fulfillment in that freedom. Or you could separate and meet a new partner (male or female) whom you find you're more suited with. Really, it's not about what you *should* do, but what feels like the right path for you and your partner.

    But I will say this, it's important to explore your feelings, get out in the world and try to figure them out, introspect, and communicate with your partner. I would say just generally get to know yourself as best you can. Whatever decision you make from there is based on a more informed understanding of yourself and your relationship.

    I know what you're feeling, and I've done my fair share of wheel spinning in this area. How can you know that you want something different than what you have with your current partner, unless you get out and try to meet men? But then how can you meet men if you want to honor your commitment to your current partner?

    I can only offer my anecdotal thoughts on this - I have gone round and round this question a million times, and I finally came to a place where I feel most clear - I don't need to make decisions about my relationship right now. I do need to know me better. I will honor my commitment to my husband while exploring my feelings a bit, out in the world with real women. Interact, not cheat, but interact with an openness to let in all the feelings that may come. I am trying to let that be my guide about learning about me. At some point, I will return to the questions about my marriage. But I'm finally in no rush to do so. It could be in a months time, a year, 10 years... in short I'm not even considering what this means for my marriage until I'm ready to look at that question.

    I feel like a lot of us on here feel like coming out is a total mind fuck, but try to tune out all the extra voices and just listen to yours. What are your feelings about men? Let those feelings sink in. Don't push yourself to answer all of your questions at once.

    HTH
     
    #3 baristajedi, Mar 11, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2016
  4. Justasking100

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    My partner is amazing. Just this morning I thought of her and burst into a smile. I don't think i want to lose that. I've got a lot invested in this relationship, a family and a loving wider family on both sides. I don't want to lose that.