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my saga is not over

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by koza, Mar 13, 2016.

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  1. koza

    koza
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    well if any of u remember, short story to remind, I have a crush on a lesbian girl and I told her she rejected me cause I dont have experience and she's afraid to get hurt by me (she had couple straight girls that decided to experiment and than she got rejected by them)
    I told her I understand (but off course my feelings where hurt)
    I had some soul searching and decided that I have no interest sleeping around with anybody just for the "experience gaining" I am not into having sex just for the sake of sex, I did it with guys and it didn't make me feel good at all about myself, felt like I am being used so I have no interest repeat that mistake with women just to find out my sexuality.
    so far with her not much changed, which means we give each other massages, head rubs, I am cooking for her when ever I make dinners for myself, we talk on daily basis, I am having a rough times and she's always with me just being with me, which kinda makes me like her even more, and kinda confusing since I feel she likes me but she's afraid to take any step and I am respecting her wish not to... it is damn hard
     
    #1 koza, Mar 13, 2016
  2. FalconBlueSky00

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    (*hug*) Not what you had hoped for, but you gave it your best shot. No regrets.(*hug*)
     
    #2 FalconBlueSky00, Mar 13, 2016
  3. afgirl

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    I remember you. Yes, I agree about the sex thing. I can't sleep with anyone I don't really have feelings for; it's just not something I want to do either. I also do understand about the straight girl thing; my love took a chance on me, but she's told me straight girls break her heart. I guess it's a fairly common thing, I don't really know?

    Anyway, is it healthy for you to continue this relationship as it was before? Do you think she's just testing you to see if you stick around? Do you think she doesn't mean what she says? There's a lot going on there that you need to figure out. You know the old saying, "If nothing changes, then nothing changes."
     
    #3 afgirl, Mar 14, 2016
  4. koza

    koza
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    Well I am planning to have a talk when I am ready, and tell her that if she wanted me to get experience just so she doesn't get hurt well sorry it's not my thing, I am not going to sleep around to make her feel better. And I guess it's a thing, straight girls enjoy hurting gays, go figure...
     
    #4 koza, Mar 14, 2016
  5. dirtyshirt84

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    It sounds like she does like you so I wouldn't give up hope just yet. It must be frustrating though, just because it is your first experience with a woman doesn't mean you are going to hurt her, and you obviously really like her.

    I would perhaps wait a little bit and try and talk to her again? Perhaps at that point if she still insists she doesn't want to take things any further maybe back off from the friendship at that point? As you don't want to end up getting really hurt either.
     
    #5 dirtyshirt84, Mar 14, 2016
  6. confusedbubble

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    As dirtyshirt says have that talk with her and if she rejects you then maybe step back from the friendship and move on, as you said if she wants you to get experience by sleeping round then that's not right on her part you've put your trust in her and she needs to respect that from you
     
    #6 confusedbubble, Mar 14, 2016
  7. koza

    koza
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    She didn't exactly say to sleep around, she said since something like u inexperienced and trying to figure your sexuality and I've been hurt previously and don't honk I want to take that path with inexperienced person, so in my perspective the only way for me to get experience is having sex with somebody else...
     
    #7 koza, Mar 14, 2016
  8. afgirl

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    I really don't think it's an intentional hurting kind of thing, but more of an experimenting kind of thing. I mean, everyone is entitled to find out who they are and what they want, but it is a horrible thing to do it at someone else's expense, even if it's not intentional. The ironic thing is that I had such a crush on my girl, but I was NEVER going to make a move on her for that very reason. I didn't want even the idea that I would toy with someone like that. Then, one night while we were out, SHE kissed me and it was all over. So, I guess some straight girls just want to figure out how straight they are....this one, not so much.
     
    #8 afgirl, Mar 14, 2016
  9. confusedbubble

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    The thing is at one point she was in that situation inexperienced and unsure someone took a chance on her didn't back off saying your only trying to figure yourself out. She need to relax and take a chance on you.
    Have you told her you're not willing to go sleep around to figure yourself out?
     
    #9 confusedbubble, Mar 14, 2016
  10. koza

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    No I haven't told her yet, didn't have a chance yet, but I do understand where she's coming from with this, she's very reserved and been opening up to me very slowly, and I wouldn't want to hurt the trust she has in me, but the same goes for me, I am "open" but don't trust too many people so she doesn't really realize how much I am trusting her, specially since we work together and she's openly gay and I am not even close to that....
     
    #10 koza, Mar 14, 2016
  11. confusedbubble

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    You need to tell her so she knows where you stand on not sleeping around, maybe she'll be more open for a relationship if she knows your not in it just for the experience and sex
     
    #11 confusedbubble, Mar 14, 2016
  12. koza

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    Yeah may be, or may be it's not what she wants to hear, but either way it is what it is
    And I am who I am
     
    #12 koza, Mar 14, 2016
  13. koza

    koza
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    Well I had a talk with her, we'll sort of, I wanted to talk to her in person but our schedules won't workout for a bit, so I decided to text her, and as I thought it's not what she wanted to hear. I guess she wanted to hear that I will find somebody that agrees to experiment with me. And I guess we will be staying just friends... Which is ok I guess cause she's a really good person to be friends with and around, which is going to be hard but since I expected it it doesn't hurt that much
     
    #13 koza, Mar 14, 2016
  14. afgirl

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    Well, maybe she's really not your girl. Keep your heart open....there may be someone else amazing who will pop into your life unexpectedly. Or, maybe the timing really is just all off. At any rate, brush yourself off and try not to stress it.
     
    #14 afgirl, Mar 14, 2016
  15. koza

    koza
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    yep I guess she's not my girl... she's letting her past to define her future, and may be its for the best that we didn't end up together.
    I've been hurt many times but I try and give a chance to a new person to show me that they r different, well until most of the time they proved they r not... but she's not even willing to give me a chance, but instantly comes to a conclusion that I am going to hurt her
    Frankly I don't know where to go from here and how to behave, I want her to be my friend, but I feel very hurt... feels like she was pimping me out... like go and prove u like sex with girls and than u can come back and i'll take u... I don't know it just sounds wrong...
    and all the hugging, which on one hand I like but on the other hand not exactly things friends do... and the massaging and everything like that.. tho I enjoy but doesn't seem to be appropriate for friends....
     
    #15 koza, Mar 15, 2016
  16. afgirl

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    Do you really think she wants you to go have sex with other women? I see it more as an excuse, although it could be legitimate. You are the only one who really has true insight, of course. Do you really believe she is your friend, or is she stringing you along? She seems to be getting the most benefit out of this relationship (i.e., home cooked meals, massages, etc.).

    Again, I don't know, but have been following your posts for a minute.
     
    #16 afgirl, Mar 15, 2016
  17. koza

    koza
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    I don't know anymore, she's acting like she's attracted to me, but then she goes and something like go and make sure that u r interested in girls
    And I do consider her a friend since she's been there for me on different occasions when I needed her,
    and cooked meal it's actually more for me, since I just can't cook for one and can't feeze that much
    But I do feel that her actions around me r confusing... And probably if we stay friends there will be changes I will have to make, I am not that touchy around "just" friends,
     
    #17 koza, Mar 15, 2016
  18. Seagypsy

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    I was in a similar situation. There may be another girl in the background who she has known for a long time and still sees? Maybe not of course but that's what happened to me, so you sleeping with other girls would make her feel better and more able to see other girls too. Doesn't mean she doesn't really like you a lot too though!
     
    #18 Seagypsy, Mar 15, 2016
  19. koza

    koza
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    seagypsy, I don't think there's another girl in the background,
    and I don't think that its her reason, to me it more seems she doesn't want to be rejected and fearing that if she will have sex with me I might change my mind and by that hurting her, but she doesn't realize that me going and sleeping with anybody else is not going to help the matter much cause that still doesn't guarantee that I will like anything with her
     
    #19 koza, Mar 15, 2016
  20. confusedbubble

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    I'm sorry to say this then it sounds like she trust issues and needs you to prove that you like women, however what happens next after you've done that.
    I think you need to take a step back stop with the Neal's the massages and talking on a daily basis if she isn't into you for who you are after you've said you don't want to sleep around then why keep these "in a relationship" type things going with her you need to take a step back from her because you'll just end up hurt carrying these things on.
    She's made it clear that she doesn't want to be with you so I would move on and find someone that will love you for who you are not a girl that's slept around just to see if its right.

    Sorry for the bluntness
     
    #20 confusedbubble, Mar 15, 2016
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