I got married to my wife 3 weeks ago! Im a female. And honestly i have never been happier! Free!!! I've never considered myself a lesbian.. but rather a connection between 2 ppl regardless of gender (sapiosexual). I do however have 2 kids. With a previous relationship .. (which btw I was never attracted to.. don't know how I stayed for so long) anyway.. she also does not consider herself a lesbian neither.. are we in denial? I can say that I maybe could be gay" .. but choose to not have a label. I'm more the femme type.. with masculine tendencies. She's more of a soft butch.. but definitely a girl on the inside side. Yet tough as hell.. she's also what I call androgynous. . Most ppl can't tell what gender she is . I'm not offended or mind so much being called a lesbian. Kind of.but don't dare call me straight! And my wife don't dare call her a lesbian! ! She hates it. She does not like how "lesbians" act. Or carry themselves as so. Or try" to look lesbian! Are we both in denial? Or are we right for not wanting to fall under a label?! Or be stereotyped? We talk about it often.. but really it's just talk.. our communication is wonderful.. I love it.. not necessarily looking for an answer. But I'm sure we're not the only ones who feel this way..
If a labels not useful to either of you it's fine. Although you will probably have to constantly say we don't use labels when people ask. I use the term bisexual to describe what genders I'm attracted to, not as a cultural description. It's just something that helps me communicate with others what my feelings are, and why they are important. Welcome by the way.
My personal opinion is that love should not be labeled. People have the choice to love who ever they fall in love with regardless of gender, sexuality or anything else. I would call your relationship two people who love each other.
Wow! Congratulations, I'm happy for you both! Labels are labels, and mean nothing. We don't feel labels. We don't experience them. It's like in that song from Pocahontas: "Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?" No, not really. Yet we understand what the colors of the wind may look like, because we sense them, we experience the wind with all of our senses and perhaps even beyond them. It's the same thing with orientation and sexuality. Also, we are changing all the time. We are having experiences, constantly, our "self" is just a constant stream of experiences. So, you don't need a word to define your current, past or future experiences. Sometimes, however, it helps. If you read about a "lesbian event" on Facebook you might feel like that would be an event you'd go to. If you read about an "event for nobody in particular" you wouldn't be very motivated to go. The word "lesbian" can boil down complex information into something that takes two seconds to say and communicates the general idea. But at home, and inside ourselves, we don't have to define anything
Welcome and congratulations! I am struggling with this too. I thought I had to tell people I am a lesbian because they wouldn't believe that I wasn't if they saw me with my friend, or wouldn't understand how it happened and I knew if I started talking about sexual fluidity it would make things worse. But I also don't feel that bi or lesbian truly fit. I like not completely straight but again people will not understand that. I feel like I have to lie to please people, and isn't that kind of going back in the closet? But I am liking "I happen to love a woman and that's all that matters" as a response. A friend's mother-in-law fell in love with and married a woman but insists she is not a lesbian. I always thought that was ridiculous, of course she is a lesbian loving a woman! Yeah now I understand it isn't so hard to believe! :icon_redf Good luck.
Congratulations on finding your happiness and wonderful communication with her. I would say no, labels are not necessary, and that no, you're not alone. But also, please reconsider your anti-lesbian-label stance; it's natural that women who repressed homosexual and/or masculine tendencies for years will tend to overcompensate in the face of an oppressive society. I don't think you should judge gay women any more than you should judge straight women; we're all just flagging to those we're attracted to, and yes some of us (herm herm yours truly) can come off as desperate sometimes, but for the most part everyone is trying to unlearn societal bullshit and just be ourselves. Because let's not forget, women in general are judged whether we're too masculine or too feminine, or the wrong kind of butch or the wrong type of femme. It's ok if you don't identify with lesbians as a whole, I personally don't like bro-y lesbians (any more than I like bro-y men), but lesbians are an incredibly diverse group whose only crime in society's eyes is turning down the gender that fancies itself G-d's gift to mankind. That's all that defines them as a group: women who love women. That being said, I generally choose to go label free as well. So you're in good company!
