Living one way at home but another way every where else

This drives me insane, actually. I'm out at home and with my closest friends, but not to more casual friends and not at work. It's not actually clear to me whether it not it is safe for me to be out at work; but certainly it doesn't feel safe. So I'm not. I think the not-out-at-work thing is contributing to my unwillingness to date. I don't want to put my face on a dating site out of fear of who will see it, and I don't want to be the person on a dating site not willing to post my face because I'm still half in the closet. And the not willing to date thing feels terrible. I WANT to try dating women. I've never done it, but I WANT to, I want it by far more than I have ever wanted to date men. But I'm not.

Also, the part about feeling like I have to be on guard at work in more casual moments with people I like so I don't reveal to much is draining and leaves me feeling empty. I feel kind of a combination of being invisible, and too hideous to be seen. Certainly there's some shame lurking around in there.

So yeah, I think I get, at least on some level, what you are talking about.

 

I'm the opposite; straight at home, hella flaming gayer-than-Neil-Patrick-Harris everywhere else, and it makes me crazy to not be able to be myself in either place, because I'm too busy being one of these masks.

 

Mostly straight (tho openly pro-lgbt) and a girl at home and bisexual or bisexual ftm to others. Living my own life and pretending to be somebody else elsewhere is too tiring. I need to finally come out.