I feel like I'm in high school bringing this question on here, but I honestly feel I'm not figuring this out very well... So... I met someone last week, and we've been texting back and forth since then. I never mentioned I'm married. But our texts haven't indicated anything specific, friendship, romance, not really flirtatious or anything. I got a vibe from her when we met that she was attracted to me, and I know I gave that vibe back. Well, now she's asking me to go to coffee. If I accept, is that a tacit indication that I'm interested, making me a complete asshole? Or is it ambiguous enough to assume that this coffee could either be a friend thing or perhaps something more? I know I have to make it clear I'm not single and soon, but I also don't want to be the presumptuous asshole either. I mean, maybe she's not even interested in me.
Having coffee and getting to know someone who is us gay is fine in my view. Though you Must tread carefully so that things don't overstep the mark.
I guess my worry is at this point, have I been dishonest in some way? And I don't want to start off in my new lgbt friendships by alienating people.
I'm sure it's something they've heard before and you can disclose what you want when you want on your terms. It's only coffee after all.
Sometimes coffee is just coffee. If it gets weird when you're face to face then you can make it clear; or you could casually slip into a text or conversation that you have a spouse. But there's no need to assume it'd be dishonest to cultivate a new friendship.
I agree with wanderinggirl, if you mention during the conversation that you're married that should clear up any misunderstanding there might be.
I think you are fine as long as you are clear with yourself about your intentions going into coffee. If you are meeting her to reach out to the LGBT community in your area, then you should be very transparent during the conversation (Hey I'm questioning my sexuality. I know that I'm not 100% straight and I'm currently in a mixed-orientation marriage. I'm looking to meet people and learn what it means to be queer so I can figure out what to do about my marriage). This takes the dishonesty card off the table. If you are open to more, then you should revise the message accordingly and possibly PM me so we can discuss the tradeoffs of this approach.
