Hi everyone I hope I fine you well. I have been reading posts on this site for what seems like forever and decided it was time to open up and hopefully get some advice. So, my story......married 16years, 2 beautiful young children who I adore with every ounce of me. I have always been different!!! And new from my teenage years that I was attracted to girls. I knew this was never a path I could take at that time. I was a goth! Chubby, painfully shy and bullied so there was no way I was going to throw in the 'gay' option. So, I moved to London, met and married a wonderful man and had a family. Here's where the shit hits the fan! I met a very 'out' woman and the moment I laid my eyes on her something changed. I had an affair, avery passionate, emotional all encompassing affair and I finally felt like me! I'm not proud of myself for allowing my urges to take over and I have struggled to the point of suicide with what I have done. Fast forward and I'm now separated.... Going to be going through a very painful divorce, angry that I hurt this man who adored me and so frightened about how the kids are going to cope. I go back and forth between knowing I love this woman to the shame of coming out ( if I do it won't be until after divorce ) I feel very very alone and cannot seem to negotiate my way through. I do sometimes wish I would have an accident so that I can no longer hurt anyone. Sorry for the long first post......just seemed to come spilling out. Thankyou for reading x :bang:
Hi, im middle aged, if ive learnt anything its that i shouldnt judge. I had a similar situation. The cost to you of living a lie would take such a terrible toll on you & those around you, kids, H would sense something was really wrong. If the roles were reversed you wouldnt want your kids living a lie, being so unhappy they could barely breathe would you? I think you are right, one step at a time. One day at a time. You are not alone in this. Hang in there.
Welcome! You are certainly not alone!!! I am in a similar situation as well. I have not told my children yet, but need to soon as somehow gossip is starting to spread. I am not telling them I fell in love with a woman just now as it is not the main reason I am divorcing their father. It is at times terrifying thinking about this new path I am choosing, but I do not want to give up how I feel with my friend and go back to a roommate kind of love without intimacy and affection. Life is too short and I want my children to remember me happy not sad, and I want to teach them you must make yourself happy to make others happy. Please don't hurt yourself or worse, you will not make things better for those you leave behind!!! I know it seems hopeless now but no storm lasts forever and this will pass. Just get through minute by minute if you have to. One foot in front of the other on autopilot. It will pass.
Hi, its good u got the courage to place a post. It must feel very lonely to deal with such hard dillemas by yourself thinking u've done it all wrong. Anyway I can only tell u my experience. Met a married woman, two kids and had dealt with the time through her divorce. I had a lot of quilt feelings the first year as if I would be a reason for the breakup of a family sistem. The kids, when she told them eventually (aged 8 and 10 by that time) they werent surprised at all. Finally they were less confused as probably they sensed it before but there was no name for what they sense. So it was all right by that time. Well divorce took a long time, it was not at all easy but in the long range its best for u and the kids that u stand up for your true self. It won't be easy at all but keep in mind there's much more married lesbians who went through this than u think and its good to speak or write about your feelings so u'll get as much support as you can get to go through the hard things. And u'll need support especially with kids.
First of all do not be ashamed of yourself.I've met lost of people that live a double life(a family and a back stage lover) and I can tell you it's very difficult and very painful.The fact that you are true to yourself is the best thing that it happened -you do not need to hide, to lie to feel ashamed.People that love you will stay by your side...the others...well who cares about the others...
Not married, but telling my children about my girlfriend has caused major rifts in our relationship. My son just thinks I'm going through a phase and my daughter thinks I've ruined her life. However, your life choices should never make you feel as though you would be better off dead and your loved ones would be better off without you. Unfortunately, this is all too common. Please look for an LGBT counselor...or any counselor if that's not available. Please talk to someone. You are invaluable to your children, please remember that.
