I am wondering how can you tell a girl is interested? When people assume you are straight just for being a woman men always just come up to you out of nowhere and try to flirt or they play it subtle, but because they can't stop talking to you and smiling you can almost always tell they are interested. What is it like for girls interested in girls? I feel like it is so much harder. Often times straight girls are nice and compliment other girls and get close, but they are not interested in that way, they just want to be friends. I recently accepted that I like women and have been trying to find other women, but it's hard. I've not been going to LGBT places because I am still a bit scared and kinda in the closet-ish, but at my workplace I interact with a lot of people daily, of a similar age so I was hoping to meet someone this way. I know I have read a lot about if they look at you, but one time I met this girl and she would stare at me and smile at me and sit next to me and I thought for sure she liked me so I smiled and looked back at her. I found out she was not gay because she flirted with a lot of guys, talked about guys constantly and now has a boyfriend. She is not bisexual, she is straight and we are now good friends, but before I became friends with her I could have sword she was super interested the way she looked at me. It is really hard to read the signs with women because most women are so friendly! So many girls smile and talk to me and are not gay. I need help.
Honestly, I'm completely new at this too, so I don't know. But I think it will be easier to meet women or even to differentiate signals if you go to lgbt groups and events. I understand you're nervous, but from my experience, everyone is so welcoming. Do you think you might be interested in trying that? Hth!
I think you need to bite the bullet and attend some LGBT events in your area. You will find it easier when you don't have to overanalyse every look and guesture. Is there a drop-in centre locally where you could find out more details of suitable events?
Yeah, I am really scared, but I am also pretty tired of being single. I have to try something If I want to move my life forward. I have not looked it up, but I am sure there are plenty of LGBT stuff in my city. It's pretty LGBT friendly. It's on the other side of town, but not too far. I guess I have to, i'm just really scared.
Aww, it's not so bad to out yourself out there and go to some events. It's really fun to hang out in a safe space with other lesbians.
Start small, with a meetup of just a few people, maybe an event that has a specific interest tied to it. For example, my first meetup was an lgbt writing workshop. If you're shy/nervous, you have at least something common to talk about.
Ugh, this is driving me up the wall too. I really want to start getting out there and I've been to a couple of meet-up type events, but I'm still sorting this out. There aren't really any lesbian bars by me, however there are the occasional meet-ups that always seem ill-timed, so I'm still sorting out how to meet people. Also, I have the femme problem going for me in that I'm pretty sure I just present as a straight female (I'm comfortable in how I present and not interested in changing my 'look'). Just today I stopped for a drink and this one cute woman was complimenting me on my accessories ... and then her boyfriend appeared. Turned out she just liked my accessories.
Saaaaaaaame. Let me know if you figure it out! This is one way girls will forever annoy me - and I'm a new lesbian. I shouldn't even be annoyed by them yet.
I have the same problem.. no one tells I'm queer Plus, I have a shitty gaydar because I like femme girls too, so it's way too hard to find out if a girl is into girls. But I got a couple advices for you: First: go out to gay clubs, there is no mistery! Usually when I go out to meet a girl I go with a male friend (he doesn't have to be gay)... because when I go with other lesbian girls there is kind of competition on who gets who (it is really anoying)... A trick to start conversation is to go on the smoking area... usually people standing there are more friendly.. if you are afraid to talk straight to a girls face, meet with her friends, ask them to introduce you. (or get really drunk hahaha it works too) Gay clubs are a interesting choice, but if you don't have any success... try online dating apps, like ******.. I have a friend who meet really good-looking interesting lesbian girls through this apps!
I don't know the answer, but if you work it out, please let me know, because I have exactly the same issue, and I really don't know how you tell. Whereas with guys, I have the opposite problem - I give them the benefit of the doubt and hope they're just being friendly and not inappropriate, but turns out they are usually trying it on :/
I think prolonged eye contact is a sign of being interested - I can't imagine that happening with just a friend - but then some girls are just super flirty and you can't really know for sure unless you know someone's orientation. Are you into sports at all? I know roller derby has a big LGBT community, just a thought of a potential way to meet people. People also assume I'm straight and I'm into femme girls too so kinda makes it a bit harder I think.
Yeah, I actually used to love playing lots of sports and have not done that in a while. That's a good idea, maybe I can find some team around me. I rollerblade as well so roller derby might be a thought.
It's probably good as you potentially get a new hobby, get to make new friends and possibly something more ;-) Let us know how you get on...good luck!
Yep, roller derby has a great LGBT community - it was taking up roller derby that was the catalyst for me having my 'I don't think I'm as straight as I thought I was' realisation. Also, it's just a fantastic sport, and the most supportive group of people I've ever come across. Hasn't helped me so far with the figuring out if girls are interested, but then they all think I'm straight!
This is like, the million dollar question. How do you know if a girl is interested in you? See: The Lesbian's Definitive Guide to Flirting - AfterEllen 17 Lesbian Flirting Tips ... ? ? Love http://www.**********/magazine/article/13058/The-Art-Of-Lesbian-Flirting/ How To Pick Up Chicks: A Lesbian Guide to Getting Girl-on-Girl Action | Autostraddle 13 Awkward Situations Lesbians and Bisexual Girls Mistake for Flirting But yeah. From my limited experience what I can tell is that if I start talking to someone just to get to know them, whether or not they mention a boyfriend or are flirty it's a nice way of connecting with someone. Just a friendly conversation. And from there I dunno... some women, straight or gay, are really flirty regardless of orientation. Above all the defining characteristic of queer flirting (vs. friendly interaction) is eye contact. If someone is looking at you and you're looking at them for longer than a passing glance, go up to them and talk to them! Worst case scenario is you get rejected. I think meeting people through work is hard; going to lgbt events when you're questioning and nervous and alone is also hard. Most cities have queer social events where it's easier to meet people. But also don't be afraid to go to a bar and try and talk with people. It'll get easier with time. (*hug*)
Finding events is the best bet, I think. Most places have newspapers with information on such things. Colleges, too. I'm in college and events are fairly well advertised, which helps a lot because otherwise I pretty much have to use dating apps. Meeting other women who like women is challenging in the Midwest, especially since I'm not terribly butch. (I'm not really femme either, but nobody knows I'm not straight until I tell them so, and the fact that I'm attracted to femmes does not make it any easier.) Are there any colleges near you?
Also disclaimer I have the opposite problem as you: nobody thinks I'm straight but I'm not into femmes. When it comes to femmes flirting, there are an equal number of articles on how to signal your queerness without butching it up. But like I know that my city has an lgbt cheerleading team, and there are queer knitting circles and book clubs and meetups and things like that. Some people do an uneven but still femme haircut, some pin on your bag or sticker on your laptop... but don't do something that doesn't feel true. Eventually you'll find your own authentic way to signal.
I have the same problem. I am the girliest, curviest, most femmey looking bitch on the planet and yet I fantasize about hot women almost every second of the day. LGBT events are not always guaranteed to get you success because the vast majority of real lesbians over the age of 12 are already in a long term relationship with someone. The best way is just to tell a girl that she is hot/beautiful/sexy and ask for her number. This is especially good if you are both super girly (which sounds like the case with you) because then she will know for sure that you want her and you are not just being friendly. Being a lipstick lesbian who likes other lipsticks is the hardest thing because it requires the most direct, assertive (and even sometimes aggressive) approach to flirting but it's all worth it.
Yeah, I'm actually in college too, Grad school. I haven't noticed any events, but then again I have not really been looking so maybe I can start paying more attention to that. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2016 at 07:50 PM ---------- If I like someone I am never aggressive about it at all so that's probably most of my problem. Not that I can't be, I'm pretty assertive in normal life, but with this is am just new and super scared, but I'll try a bit harder maybe. ---------- Post added 22nd Mar 2016 at 07:55 PM ---------- Thanks, this was all very helpful.
