The word "lesbian"

I've never thought of it that way, but my girlfriend prefers gay, so that's how she identifies. There is absolutely nothing that says you have to like the word lesbian or identify as such. What are you comfortable using?

 

I know what you're talking about, and you definitely don't have to like the word "lesbian." Hannah Hart, one of my favorite lesbians , prefers to use the term "lady kisser."
But I was once where you are now. Except the term went to a butchy lady who was masculine and treated like a *gasp* lesbian.

Now, I'm super comfortable using it, and say it to describe myself or situations more often than not:

"All I got from college was my degree...and turning into a lesbian."

"Becoming a lesbian broke my body somehow" (if you follow my recent health issues).

** friend talking about some guy she's screwing who says something overly romantic/sexual**

Me: "Ewww *contorted face*"

Friend: "What?"

Me: "That's just so freaking corny...also I'm a lesbian."

I do this in front of my mother, as well.

I guess that what's helped me is to fill my idea of the term lesbian with actual lesbians! So I watch lesbians I like, and follow lesbians I like, and look at myself--since I feel pretty lesbian most of the time--as someone who's a lesbian. I like me, sometimes. And that's helped me in some capacity. To break off the stereotypes that are only stereotypes.

Look at yourself. You're a lesbian. There are a million other lesbians like you, and like the women you fancy.

See how much I like saying lesbian now?

 

I don't think I have thought about it as much as you have, but I tend to feel reasonably comfortable describing myself as gay (sometimes), but not so much as lesbian. I don't think I even recognised it was related to internalized homophobia, but now that you mention it, yep, probably is for me too. Aaaaand I certainly don't want to embrace homophobia. Sigh. I'm not sure I have anything especially helpful the offer, but I certainly can relate.

---------- Post added 20th Mar 2016 at 06:18 PM ----------

I loved your entire post, and especially liked your examples of using lesbian comfortably. I think it might have even helped.

 

I'm glad it was good somehow! Haha.

 

I posted something similar. At first, the term made me uncomfortable to call myself, maybe because I was afraid all along of being a lesbian. Now, I really like the word 'lesbian', but still have trouble calling myself that, especially out loud. I am just working on it. Some advice I got: Practice calling yourself that when you are alone, or to your pets, etc. Also, immerse yourself in more lesbian culture, like online, in movies, in literature, and in life, so that it begins to normalize it for you. I am practicing it, because I still feel shame attached to the word. What I am doing is slowly getting easier, but I am still not there. It will take time.

 

I've struggled with it too. The sound isn't great, plus it bugs me that it's a noun. I like "gay" better because it's an adjective that describes me as opposed to a thing that I am. Being called a lesbian as an insult growing up certainly didn't help either.

Having said all that, I've become a lot more positive about it over the years. I think it's because I've seen women I can relate to using it, so that takes away a lot of the feeling that it's something icky.