Should I tell my crush I have feelings for her - what would you do?

So for those who haven't read my previous posts - I have had a crush on a lesbian colleague for a few months now, I'm married to a man and she has a serious girlfriend. There has been flirting and eye contact between us and lots of things hinted at but nothing openly acknowledged. I'm sure she knows I like her. I haven't told her I'm bisexual but I'm sure she suspects (I also feel like I don't know how to tell her now without it seeming like I'm hitting on her...) At times I have felt like she is frustrated at me for not saying anything and at other times she seems like she is happy with her girlfriend and definitely doesn't want anything to happen. She is always complementing how I look, told me she likes spending time with me and that she is not good at expressing her emotions but I don't know if she just enjoys the attention and the ego boost and has no intention of taking it any further.

I feel I'm stuck in a bit of a holding pattern at the moment - wanting to acknowledge my feelings but not wanting to overstep boundaries and make things awkward at work. I've never felt like this about someone and not told them but then again I've never felt like this about someone whilst already in a relationship. Although I'm pretty against cheating I have to admit that I think I would have with her if I had the opportunity.

Part of me feels that I'd like to get it off my chest and move forward one way or another but another part of me feels like it might be a huge mistake, especially now we have got to know each other better and have a good working relationship.

While not exactly a trigger crush (I have had a previous relationship with a women when I was much younger) my feelings for her have made me question my sexuality and whether or not I might be happier in a relationship with a woman. My husband has always known I'm bisexual and knows I'm questioning just now and is mostly supportive. Obviously this is affecting my relationship with him.

So I'm wondering should I tell her? What would you do in this situation? I'm not sure how to move forward from this...

 

I know you are right, I guess I just needed to hear that!

Im sure I would deeply regret it if we had some kind of affair, I know it could only really end badly anyway.

I think so much being unspoken is really hard but perhaps if there are boundaries of friendship it will get easier.

 

Thanks, this is good idea and I have been thinking about doing this for a while now. I think getting my feelings down on paper really helps.

That kind of is my dream scenario but I know it's just a fantasy. Even if she does like me it's the worst circumstances to start a relationship.

I'm pretty certain she's not oblivious, at one point she said 'my friend does that when she fancies someone' (what I had just done). I wasn't really expecting her to say that so didn't really say anything in reply. I think another colleague actually thought we were having an affair at one point too and asked if my husband knew about the time we me and her were spending together.

I have tried quite hard to take a step back from this, I know I need to. I think it's hard because we work closely together in a small office and there is literally no getting away from her at work. I thought a new hobby or something might help to focus my mind on something else.

My gut tells me I shouldn't say anything and that if I did I would ruin our working relationship and any chance of friendship (and we do get on well and have a lot in common). I guess I have just answered my own question! I think she does find me attractive and does like me but is happy with her gf and realised a long time before I did that it would be a really bad idea for anything to happen and has moved on from it in a way that I haven't. That is my read on it anyway, I could be wrong.

Sometimes there are some pretty mixed signals and I guess I'm like you in that I have a little voice of hope still. I suppose I do really want to know if she does have feelings for me or not, even though nothing can really happen right now. I think the best I can hope for realistically though is a friendship that might turn into something more in the future if circumstances ever change.

Yes, wanting to be more open and out is definitely part of it as that's one of the things I like about her. I've been trying to ask myself what it is I like about her and are they things I feel I lack I'm myself or that maybe my relationship with my husband lacks. I definetly miss the emotional connection with a woman.

 

Thanks for all the advice, it has been really helpful.

One other thing - do you think I should tell her I'm bi (I want to be more honest and open about it and it would be great to have a gay friend) or do you think I should wait until my feelings have subsided so there is not so much of a subtext to telling her?

 

That's what I was thinking, mention a celebrity I think is hot or something like that. I think I really need to push myself to be more open now, I think I would feel a lot happier.

 

So my crush text me the other night, she was out a gay club, and said something there had made her think of me (!), we were messaging most of the night and then I realised she was actually out with her gf. Bear in mind I am almost certain she knows I like her in a sexual way and as more than a friend. I am so confused...