Where the *!? is my inner voice, and what is it telling me?

Hello.

Does anyone ever feel this way? I feel like there should be something, some internal voice that points me in the right direction, some sort of instinct. But instead I feel like I have overlapping voices in my head, telling me different things, pointing me down different paths.

Maybe I'm letting myself get overwhelmed again, thinking too much about bigger decisions, about my marriage. But I just have this muddled feeling right now, this nagging sense of doubt and indecision.

I don't know why everything feels so complicated right now. The simple clear truth is I want to be with a woman. It's like I just keep going back to that same basic feeling and desire. I wish my life were simple enough that I could simply follow that feeling. And honestly, I probably will, even though there are many things that I should be doing first.

My feelings tell me that this is what I want first, and this is what feels instinctively right at this moment, right now. I'm so much less afraid, I don't know what I would feel if I were with a woman right now, maybe I would be nervous, I don't know. But the apprehension and all the walls that I've built up seem to be dissolving around me.

I don't want to have to think about what that means in terms of all of the bigger decisions, I just want this clear simple feeling to be fulfilled. But how can I do that in good conscience? But then I think, how can I continue to ignore my feelings, my instincts? I don't have an instinct, a gut feeling, a sense of clarity about my marriage, I just have clarity in this. I don't believe that anything I experience will change this need, unless it only becomes stronger.

I don't know how to go forward at this point.

 

You're right, I need to stop going around and around various questions in my head. I have done 2 meetups now and have another one planned on Monday. I'm also meeting a woman, just the two of us, tomorrow. (...my stomach just did a small flip when I wrote that).

I'm good at detaching myself from things... but I think part of me growing has been trying to be more in the moment, and feel what's in the moment. Maybe I should however work on ignoring my feelings when I'm thinking and thinking and rethinking things.


I think what sparked this feeling, this urge to over-analyse and look again at the bigger questions was this sort of imagery I've been getting lately. It's just these little flashes that keep popping in my head. I keep picturing myself, with a woman, doing mundane things, just I don't know, like a real couple, shopping for groceries, talking about work at the end of the day, walking home together, there's some sort of underlying feeling of warmth when these things pop into my head. And I guess it's made me wonder, is that my instinct telling me that I want to start a life with someone else? That I want to at least have the freedom to start a life with a woman?

I don't know what it means, but I guess it's taken me back to the bigger questions, which then makes everything just feel overwhelming, and muddled.

I need to find a way to quiet my brain. It's not helping me gain any clarity to be caught in this loop.

 

You're right, I tend to get a bit stuck in my own head. I can do this, I think. I just have to come up with a way to stop thinking (obsessing?) so much.

 

This is really encouraging to hear. Maybe I'm starting to do something right... I do feel like some of the new things that I'm doing to open up are feeling like they make sense. Little by little.

 

Thanks . Sounds to me like you were brave as well, you say you would have run the other way, but you found a way to follow your heart. I'm still trying to figure out a lot, hoping I really can be brave. Fingers crossed .

---------- Post added 27th Mar 2016 at 03:03 PM ----------

This is something I've been trying every so often and I think I need to make a regular practice of it.

I am started to gain a lot more clarity, as you saw in one of my other posts, I'm feeling more sure about where I want to go with my marriage. But I'm going to need a way to keep my brain calm.

 

I don't know, I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. We all have our own paths. You got to your authentic path, you had to break through your fear to get there. I look at my story compared to others and I don't feel so brave. I think we shouldn't sell ourselves so short.

 

Keep reminding yourself you're doing the right thing, and it's really brave. I admire you. It's not easy to make these changes. Big hugs.(&&&)