Long story short - coming out sometimes entails losing people you once cared about. I used to date this man, and while I wasn't into his dick, we had a great emotional bond, and I genuinely loved him. He strung me along and saw someone else the whole time, and I kept wondering what it was about her that made her better than I was. Instead of just leaving him and taking some time out to be single, I held on to him in hopes that I could be pretty and lovable, because if I couldn't find a man who wanted me, how lovable was I? When I finally took time out to be single, I started reflecting a lot and going out and doing stuff for me. Thai restaurants, art museums, trips to Florida....I had a wonderful time exploring who I was, instead of basing my self-esteem on whether or not other people found me desirable. From there, I started exploring my feelings for other women and going to my local bar. The thing that astonished me was that not only did it feel incredible to kiss a girl, but it felt like something I should've been doing all along. We continued to communicate on a friendly basis, but last night, we had a really difficult talk about it, with him crying and saying that he wanted me back and felt like I was permanently out of his reach, and me crying and saying I was a fraud for having ever been with him in the first place when I liked women more and felt better about myself since I'd fallen in love with one. I feel so conflicted, because on the one hand, I'm free to pursue what I want, but on the other hand, I feel ashamed of myself for hurting him. Anybody else ever gone through something similar?
Um, so here's a stab in the dark. He strung you along and dated you and someone else at the same time. He doesn't sound very into commitment. Now he is crying saying he wants you back. Hmm, sounds like a man that wants what they can't have! You are permanently out of his reach. Some people just can't take the power flip when they know they have all the control in the relationship and then the tables turn and their old partner just doesn't want them anymore. If he was dating you and someone else at the same time, I wouldn't feel bad about it. It's not like you were serious or on the road to some long commitment.
Oh my...I had something very similar. I think it's the oh, now I want what I can't have syndrome. I also think it hits pretty hard for a straight man to think he's lost out to a lesbian. He'll be fine....carry on.
