I am in the process of coming out, I have wrote a script how I am going to tell my wife, along with answers to questions she may have and I have started reading it daily to get ingrained in my mind. The experience I am having is this, I have finding my self in a more positive mood and the wife and I have been talking more and laughing about stuff. When I say positive mood, it's like my life in general seems to be coming more focused on things I need to do. I'm not sure if this is the calm before the storm or if it's myself starting the opening up the communication more in preparation for the time I do tell her I am gay. Our communication over the last few years has been very light, there where some days we didn't speak at all due to life in general, or just not having anything to say to each other. Anyone's input on this is greatly appreciated.
Hmmm, seems that there is no real common ground, if you two took the time to know each other and develop a close and strong bond you would be talking to each other more than every now and then. So consider what a realationship is about. If you married for society sake, and you were not in love with each other, than it's more of a co existence, than a marriage, that's just my opinon, you won't make a relationship with a guy easily. Ifg the guy thing is more about hot sex that is understandable, it used to be thays what being gay was about, the ways and means of close encounters with many men, hopefully most times getting to know each other as people. If you do want to come out to your wife, and if she in this day and age has not noticed she seems not to be concerned. or that may be why you two are not close, I once when my long term good partner was not sexually abailable and we both knew from the start that he was not sexually orientated by jpavlovian conditioning extreme, that I was highly sexed,a and we make our bed accordingly, at first I would relate my exploits tohim as I had this dream, it was a way to have a buffer, that Ihad dream the sequence, in your case you could mention that carefully, some sort of dream where you woke up from a weird dream that a guy had put his mouth on you and that woke you up, and then get her opinion on it.. Then go from there, it may be possible to gauge her comfortability on it, and then the marriage would have a better chance, if she is asexual that's one thing if you two are not making love, well,, why not, you can do it, have you tried telling her sexy stories to see if you can get her hot and wet? Do you turn down her advances, there are so many questions,
Forhim I've experienced something similar lately where we both were more positive. My wife and I recently had an argument (well she was more bashing me) where she cried and relayed how unhappy she was in general. We haven't communicated much of late as well. I know I've been distant and not as present lately and she senses that. But after that tiff things have been very pleasant. Maybe it's a combinantion of me accepting my sexuality, imagining a hopeful future and she deep down knowing things are different; some acceptance on some level? It was all very "sixth sense". Now I don't plan on continuing with such cryptic communication as I'm going to start some therapy soon and then maybe suggest we go together all in preparation for me coming out. Anyway I think it's a similar experience; maybe the calm before the storm; maybe some acceptance even though not articulated properly.
I didn't think about the me accepting and understanding my own sexuality being part of it. But it really makes sense now that I think about it. Our communication sounds a lot like yours. Thanks for sharing this.
While you are correct that part of this is the calm before the storm, it's actually much more significant than that. You feel more positive because you are on the path of doing what you need in order to find happiness in your life. Instead of mentally spinning your wheels and continuing to remain stuck in a mixed-orientation marriage, you are finding clarity and a more positive mindset because you are taking action towards getting what you need as a gay man. This positive mindset is being reflected in your interactions with your wife.
While you are correct that part of this is the calm before the storm, it's actually much more significant than that. You feel more positive because you are on the path of doing what you need in order to find happiness in your life. Instead of mentally spinning your wheels and continuing to remain stuck in a mixed-orientation marriage, you are finding clarity and a more positive mindset because you are taking action towards getting what you need as a gay man. This positive mindset is being reflected in your interactions with your wife.[/QUOTE] SiennaFire this makes total sense to me, since being able to accept myself as gay clarity has been coming out as well. Thanks for sharing your wisdom! (*hug*)
hey Forhim i've noticed that myself in other things as i am seperated from my ex wife. but something occupies our minds to a hugh degree and when we resolve it in our heads and make a plan our minds free up and we are able to appreciate the other things in our lives like sharing experiences with spouses or friends. just my take of course.
