2 years out

It was two years ago today that I took the first step out of the closet. saying the words out loud, to another human being- it's hard to describe. I was so afraid, and for a moment, relieved. I had no idea how long I had held this truth in, and how much it locked me up inside. And to my surprise, I did not want to hold on to it any longer.

Since then, my life changed suddenly and radically, and in ways I could not imagine.
these two years have been filled- with much pain and grief, but also discovery and wonder. The reality of this truth was more than my wife and I could handle, and though we tried to make our marriage work, we decided it was best to separate and divorce. We still love and care for each other and for our son. But our life is changed and we are finding new patterns of living and supporting each other.

I had to face my own prejudices and painful experiences that locked me in the closet. But I was blessed to have a good therapist, a faithful spiritual director and good friends to help me through this and accept myself and embrace the life I now have.

I have changed jobs, moved to a new home in a new state. I am actually free to be myself in a way I never imagined. I feel more confident, and more comfortable in my skin than I ever have.

I have a wonderful and loving man in my life. (Do I call him a boyfriend at this age?)
It surprises me how natural and easy a relationship can be with him. It feels right at a very deep level in my being.

Life is still messy, and there are still days when I completely fall apart. This is a lot of change in such a short time. I just remind myself to be kind to myself, and to live each day as fully as I am able.