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When do the emotions get easier to deal with?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Mar 28, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

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    I feel like without wine, chocolate and EC I would never make it through the day. I suppose I have hit some pretty low points since coming out, but now I’m at a better point, I feel more sure of what I’m doing. My path is far from fully figured out, and there is a long way to go before it gets there, but I’m confident I’m making decisions that make sense for me. I’m going the right direction. I’ve got sort of a plan, and the plan feels right. But still, my emotions are just all over the place.

    I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling at this moment, just a jangled bunch of nerves, anxiety I guess. It comes in waves. I’m having a bit of wine now, trying to let my nerves dissolve.

    I don’t know how to get to a place where my emotions are more even, calm, measured.
    Is anyone else experiencing this?
     
  2. Missy

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    Hi!
    I recognize myself in you, I wish I was calmer with a "thicker" skin. Do you know why you feel up´s and downs?
    And YES, what would life be without chocolate?! It´s a life saver!! :slight_smile:. :O.
     
  3. SiennaFire

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    After I came out to myself (and before I discovered EC), wine and candy were my vice that helped me find the courage to explore and accept my sexuality. I remember a similar period where I experienced a broad range of emotions, although I'm not sure I can give you a good answer for how long things will remain in this state. I've shared my approach for getting through that period (baby steps and doing increasingly scary stuff outside your comfort zone), so keep on doing it, and one day everything will click and make sense. The emotional climax was around the time of my first serious crush, which surfaced all kinds of fun dark masculine energy.
     
  4. rachael1954

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    It took me 8 months for the most acute of the emotions to die down slightly. It depends on how you address your emotions and how deep they are... how quickly they get easier to deal with. Take care to be honest with yourself and not let fear, guilt, etc. drive your actions... easier said than done!
     
  5. WanderingMind

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    Yeah. Same here. I cry a lot, and tend to do what I call "spin"... I get overwhelmed with emotions and have a hard time processing any of them. I'm not very adept at meditation, although I've tried it. Drinking is a bit of a help, until I tip the scale to too drunk, and then I'm back to spinning and tears. It's getting better. I try to take each moment as it comes. There seem to be no end of steps on this journey...
     
  6. Grace66

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    Soon i hope. Almost a year after making the decision, and six months after moving out I am now having an even harder time then I was. Cycling a lot, questioning myself, rethinking my decisions, generally just angst driven and falling into a deep dark hole. I finally went last night and had a conversation with my husband. Asking questions like are we doing the right thing? Should we be trying more, trying harder? Six months ago I couldn't of had that conversation, and neither could he. He helped me to realize that even though this isn't a fun decision, it is the right decision. I'm slowly letting that sink in. And it's helping.
     
  7. wanderinggirl

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    It's taken me a couple years to even begin to settle down. EC, a private blog, therapy, lesbian tv/movies/websites/blogs, exercise, meditation, and a lot of beer have gotten me through that time. I can guarantee you that things do in time settle down.

    It sounds like you're certain of things but afraid of them at the same time which is causing anxiety. But keep following your instincts; they're steering you in a good direction. The best thing you can do is start reaching out to people, keep engaged in others' lives, do things that you enjoy. Whatever makes you feel grounded. Eventually, this won't feel so hard.
     
  8. afgirl

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    I have dealt with anxiety and depression in the past, and this was enough, coupled with a very stressful work environment, to bring all that back. I stayed in denial for months, because I can handle it, right? Well, I stopped trying to be a hero and talked to my doctor and am definitely better off, sleeping better.

    I'm really not one who likes to take medication, but I know that for the moment, this is the best thing I can do for myself.
     
  9. baristajedi

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    I tend to be an emotional person by nature. I don't show it usually, but I feel things pretty deeply. The ups and downs have been coming since I came out. It's for different reasons as time goes on. Lately I think it's related to waves of positive feelings in being more and more open, taking bigger risks with my feelings, gaining confidence and clarity in decisions, meeting new people, which is exhilarating and terrifying all at once, followed by this feeling like I have just drained all my mental reserve, worries about where new decisions and discoveries are taking me, apprehension about how changes in my life impact my family, the feeling of losing solid ground.

    At this point, it's overall a positive change in my life, coming out. But it's still terrifying at points.

    ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2016 at 08:06 AM ----------

    I'm looking forward (and scared of) my first serious crush. It's good to hear I'm not the only one who's turned to binging on wine and sweets. I do feel like I crash, go to my comfort foods/wine, shows, and then get back out there and take the next risk. Then rinse, repeat. It's a cycle, maybe a necessary one to move forward.

    Things are clicking here and there. I think narrowing down my choices to open marriage and separation is a big turning point for me. But there's so much more to experience and explore before I get to my next turning point I think.

    ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2016 at 08:19 AM ----------

    This is encouraging, it’s been maybe 7 months since I’ve come out. But I still have a ways to go with decisions, so I don’t know if these feelings are going anywhere for a while. I’m trying not to let all of those things drive my actions, and I think I’m finally doing better in that area.

    ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2016 at 08:20 AM ----------

    I do the same thing, I spin my wheels alot. Lately it;s been more deep feelings that ebb and flow, rather than going through a cycle and recycle of thoughts...perhaps that’s an improvement.

    ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2016 at 08:21 AM ----------

    Grace, I’ve said this before, but big hugs to you. (&&&) It sounds like you’re really struggling. I’m not at this point in the process of divorce, but it’s a serious consideration.

    ---------- Post added 29th Mar 2016 at 08:21 AM ----------

    Ah, I am doing all of those same things wanderinggirl :slight_smile: And your description of what I’m feeling is pretty apt. But I am getting less and less afraid of changes I need to make. One day at a time I suppose.
     
  10. wanderinggirl

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    The hardest part about reading your post and others', and even posting myself on EC, is that we all have all these feelings but the only thing that will really help is time. You say it's been 7 months, as if that should be enough to deal with all of the emotions and logistics of getting your life in line after coming out. But there's no deadline; some people feel okay right away, some people (i.e. yours truly) struggle for years. It happens at your own pace, and it might not feel linear. You might regress and progress and feel frustrated with yourself. As long as you remember that it IS a net positive.
     
  11. baristajedi

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    You're right, I guess I've just never been a patient person. That serves me badly in some aspects of this (spinning my wheels), but well in others (I just don't want to sit around doing nothing, I need to actively work on making changes). In my case those changes require some thoughtfulness, and so i guess it leaves me with a lot of built up emotion.