It seems as though everyone in this area has a spouse they are dealing with coming out to. I don't, but I have older children. My son is 22 and my daughter is 15. I was trying to let my relationship, feelings, and everything else associated with this kind of process before I shared this information. It seemed ridiculous to try and explain something I don't really seem to be able to understand myself, just yet. New Years Day is my day. The day my daughter questioned me about something she found on my phone. Ironically it was a joke between me and a friend, who had no idea I was actually dating another woman from work. My daughter asked me straight out if I was a lesbian. I actually never got an answer out because I was trying to find my words. My delay only resulted in her going absolutely ballistic. Following this, I had to tell my son what was going on, so I told my story to him as well. He took it better, but doubted that I really liked women. I really think both of them view this as some kind of strange mid-life crisis. Well, following all this, my daughter and I are in counseling. The counselor has not brought up my sexuality as an issue because she wants my daughter to bring it up. To be fair, we had issues before this, but this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. So basically I don't discuss my relationship with either child. My daughter no longer asks me where I go when I get out for a weekend night and I went for a weekend trip and she seemed okay with me going for a few days. However, it's just like I did not say those words to them. How long is long enough to process it? Should I just wait it out? I would try to find an LGBT counselor, but in this area it's going to be well over a two hour drive to find one, and that's just not feasible at all. I am just wondering if I continue to let this process or what?
So sorry to hear you're going through this. Teenagers are already tough enough because they don't have control of their own emotions dealing with the day to day, so a wallop like finding out you're a lesbian must be extra hard. I'm just curious as to why your counselor is waiting for your daughter to bring up your sexuality in therapy. It seems to me that the sooner you two start discussing it, the sooner she might come to some understanding. If you're in joint therapy, you're not just there for your daughter, but for yourself as well, so if you're tired of dancing around the topic, maybe bring it up yourself. A good therapist will moderate so that both of you get to tell your side of things. Has your daughter expressed why she feels the way she does about you coming out? Maybe she's afraid of what her friends at school will say, or fears that she may be teased. Only once you two discuss your feelings can you work on a solution and understand each other.
Well, we are in early stages, so we have no "integrated" to have sessions together. I am not sure why. Maybe our counselor is trying to get to the root of some of our other issues before she tackles this one. I work in a correctional setting, so we have Psychologists on staff and our Chief Psychologist shared her concern about the non-LGBT counseling. My daughter is concerned about people finding out, although I have gone to great lengths to explain that it's not my intention. This is a small rural community, so I understand how she feels. While I don't plan to be fully out around here, it's such that it is a possibility that it could get out. I'm not really trying to hide anything, but am trying to protect my daughter. Once she graduates, I will probably move somewhere a little more LGBT friendly, but I believe that the high school years are important, and I'm willing to make that sacrifice. I think the main issue is that I haven't really been in a real relationship with anyone in many, many years (perhaps it's a little understandable now why nothing seemed to work out?), so now my daughter does not understand why I want to go out and have some kind of a social life. That was one of the issues before she found out who the social live involved. It definitely is something to think about and I will ask why she is waiting for my daughter to bring it up. I really don't know exactly why.
