Despite coming to the conclusion in gay, I find myself going back and forth with the idea. Maybe it's the bargaining stage but I still find myself looking at female sexually. My brain won't seem to settle on the idea but I thought accepting being gay, and even saying I've always kind of known doesn't seem to let my mind settled. I guess my brain is so used to going over and back and forth that it'll take some time to settle. It's been pretty traumatic these few days. Trying to find relief in mindfulness and managed to make it into work today.
It's natural to go back and forth regarding your sexuality after coming out to yourself. You need time to let the years of denial thaw and accept that you are gay, and this is not going to happen overnight. It took me several months to get reasonably comfortable. Eventually you'll get to a place where you discover what was missing in your straight life and begin to feel genuinely happy. Mindfulness techniques will help to calm your mind today. Here's the paradox. In order to get comfortable being gay, you're going to have to do things that you haven't done before and make you feel uncomfortable today. Once you start engaging with the LGBT community and coming out to others, you'll definitely start feeling better about being gay. Best to just get on with it and not overthink things. Now that you are single, you have a chance to act on your newly discovered sexuality. You definitely want to go to LGBT meetups and support groups and start meeting guys online via hookup or dating apps depending on your comfort level. Perhaps go for another pint at that gay bar What tipped the scales in deciding you are gay? For example, did you check out a cute guy walking down the street or remember a hot guy from your youth? I'm asking because that's probably the best place to start working on thawing denial. Welcome to the community. Be gay and proud ride: PS - Maybe you want to update your orientation listed under your EC user name.
Deep breaths, one day at a time. Accepting your orientation is not a one-day process. It takes a long time. With the stuff you've posted, I think one of the best things you can do right now is get started with an LGBT counselor. I think it would be a very helpful way to start deconstructing the shame.
It's a culmination of a number of things. Recurrent depressive episodes following relations with women. An emptiness that shouldnt be there for your average hetero guy. It's remembering noticing the attractive men on television more than the women when I was younger. It's the thought I'm gay coming to me and it making sense on one level but the utter denial on another which caused a major depression. It's the feeling of being drawn towards men rather than it be a struggle to be with woman and happy. ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2016 at 04:25 AM ---------- There is also the guilt that it taken me so long and hurt my family and women when we broke up. ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2016 at 04:27 AM ---------- I've got some time to myself so am going try lgbt meet up drink tonight. Dunno if it's too soon but meeting people will do no harm.
Try to forgive yourself for taking so long. You learned some very homophobic messages growing up which fueled your denial. It takes time to unravel these and figure out what the signals in your brain are telling you about your sexuality. Given that you noticed attractive guys growing up and are drawn more towards men, I think you should go to the LGBT meetup drink. Allow yourself to meet other guys and appreciate their attractiveness, both physically and personality wise. It may take going a few times before you start getting comfortable with the idea of being with other guys, but that's OK. I don't think it's too soon. You need to take action and embrace your sexuality.
