1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So much noise

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Mar 30, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sometimes I just feel like there's just so much external noise, from daily life, pressing in on me. My head is always buzzing these days, my stomach churning, with all of these questions, anxiety, and just a general emotional overload, from all the stuff related to coming out, to going forward, to figuring out my path, opening up to new things and facing fears.

    I love my daughter, so so much. And my husband means well. But days like today have me reaching for a bottle of wine at 2 in the afternoon, just to make it through the day as a sane person.

    It's not like I'm drinking much, I just feel like I need to be present, to be focused and I can't seem to make myself get my head screwed on right to do that sometimes.

    I woke up today with this feeling in the pit of my stomach, tension, and a knot in my chest, and I suppose my lack of sleep is not helping much. But before I reach for the french press to make some coffee, it starts, all these little things, my daughter, my husband and then trying to multitask and do stuff with my daughter. It just feels like so much noise sometimes.

    I just want to escape, and get away from everything. I don't feel like that as often as I used to. Honestly, I've had a lot of time lately to decompress, I'm job searching, and my contract has finished up with the last one. It's the first time in ages that I've had a little time to myself. But when I was working, I felt like my work time was actually quite a nice escape. So I have a similar amount of time each week as I did when I was working that my family life is "turned off", so to speak. Still, the days I've got a lot happening, when I'm being mom all day, just sometimes this noise of it all makes me feel like I can't deal.

    Can anyone relate to this?
     
  2. MS001

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2016
    Messages:
    79
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Yep. Not the parenting part, but so much mental stuff comes up when you are coming out and there is so much to deal with; it can be very overwhelming. I have anxiety too and my best friend, in a not so subtle hint, got me a meditation pillow for my birthday. Meditation helps, so does yoga, exercise, and therapy of course. My sister is a super busy working mom and she still gets up at 5 in the morning a few times a week to go do yoga and she is very diligent with her meditation practice.
     
  3. CyclingFan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,362
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Northern CA
    I can totally relate. In the immediate aftermath of coming out to my wife, and all the emotional turbulence of that and divorcing, I felt overwhelmed often. I'd try toget some simple work done and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on it. This happens much less now that it's been a while. Not that it's gone, it still pops up occasionally, like today for some reason.
     
  4. afgirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2016
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Mississippi
    My anxiety and depression reared it's ugly head in the last several months. I think partly because of all the emotions associated with this relationship, and dealing with my children in particular regarding the issue, and well as my very stressful job, which alone could make me insane. While I really hated to do it, I asked my doctor to put me back on my Zoloft. I would routinely wake up at 3:00 a.m. in a full on panic attack. It was just not sustainable.
     
  5. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I keep trying meditation, but I'm not good at keeping up with it. Listening to music really helps me clear my head sometimes. It's calming and helps bring clear thoughts to the surface.i wish I were a more zen person, maybe that's just not me.

    I just finished up with therapy, I would love to keep going but it was offered as a 10 week session. It really helped me though.

    I have the most trouble quieting my mind when the day starts off in a bad place and the whole day is focused on parenting.

    ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2016 at 05:04 PM ----------

    I'm sorry you're having a rough day today.

    You said this happens much less so now. When did you start feeling better/calmer?

    ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2016 at 05:08 PM ----------

    I think it's great that you recognised that's what you needed to manage the problem. It's so tough when you've got all these things pressing in on you.

    I'm not sure how to get myself to sleep better. I think if I could do that, a lot of this would be more manageable. But my head jut doesn't quiet down, and I feel like I need the tune awake, to think, or to decompress, or journal. But I think I need to break that cycle.
     
    #5 baristajedi, Mar 30, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2016
  6. biAnnika

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2011
    Messages:
    1,839
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    OMG, I *so totally* relate to this! ((((((( Ms. Jedi )))))))

    In the last 2-3 years, it has seemed there has just accumulated *so* much noise from the outside world that there is no way to process me. Honestly, meditation does help. I know I've mentioned it before...but it is truly the best escape I know of.
     
  7. SiennaFire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The noise dies down as you gain strength. Stay the course and soon powerful you will become. Meditation or other exercises in mindfulness can help.
     
  8. afgirl

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2016
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Mississippi
    Sleep is soooo important. When I first started having these issues I had horrible insomnia, and I really don't sleep nearly as much as I need to. The doctor made an interesting observation, though. He said we needed to figure out if the depression was causing my insomnia or if the insomnia was causing my depression. Turns out it was the first one....that was pretty much key to me recognizing that I needed to get help, as much as I didn't want to start any medication again.
     
  9. FalconBlueSky00

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2015
    Messages:
    390
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TX
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I "meditate" by gardening. I told my Dr. That I was growing my own mental health plan. Can't sit still and keep my mind quite at same time. Try different things, coloring, walking meditation, knitting, eventually something you can stick with will pop up. Oh archery is good too, very zen.
     
  10. CyclingFan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,362
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Northern CA
    Completely agree. My "noise" has been lessened by embracing who I am, even though part of that increases the noise in the short term.

    Getting comfortable living out is tough, especially later in life as there's so much more to consider in that transition. However, the parts of my life where I'm out are the parts where I'm happiest. The parts where I'm still in the closet, especially work, are the parts that still give me some noise.

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2016 at 11:52 AM ----------

    For me, and this may come as a shock given my handle, it's cycling. It's not exactly the same as meditation but it provides a lot of the benefits on top of the direct health benefits.
     
  11. SiennaFire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    After reading CyclingFan's reply, I realized my post was a little elliptical. Hopefully baristajedi filled in the blanks. Here's what was in my head.

    The noise dies down as you gain strength [through taking increasingly difficult baby steps to get you out of your comfort zone and gain acceptance of yourself]. Stay the course [of taking action to get out your comfort zone] and soon powerful you will become. Meditation or other exercises in mindfulness can help.
     
    #11 SiennaFire, Mar 31, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2016
  12. baristajedi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,838
    Likes Received:
    828
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think meditation plus some soothing hobby and better sleep is going to help. But I do think some of this will sort itself out through feeling like my forward progress is really moving forward. Sometimes I feel like these thoughts and feelings are churning around because my feelings are far ahead of the pace that my reality can move in. There are just logistical things that make it hard to move forward at a pace that matches my emotionsl progress.

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2016 at 07:06 PM ----------

    I think this feels like what I can see ahead of me, more strength, confidence, and reaching goals I set for myself will lead to greater calm. And the external noise will dissolve. It just feels so out of reach at some points. I'm trying to be patient, I can only take things one day at a time. But it's hard to keep a still mind in the meantime.

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2016 at 07:08 PM ----------

    And here I am up all night again...

    It's so important to get to the crux of the problem and I'm glad you did.

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2016 at 07:10 PM ----------

    Oh that sounds lovely. I think the closest I come is listening to music while doing some activity, walking, dishes, cooking, journaling.

    I'd love to try archery, are you skilled like Katniss? :wink:

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2016 at 07:15 PM ----------

    This is what I think the main driver of this is for me -coming out while married, having a kid. I'm now starting to see that it can all be fine, I can, and I will live authentically. I love me, queer me, I'm happy with that person that I am. But my life is still incongruent to the full me. I do feel that the authentic life I want is achievable. But it requires a great deal of thought, patience, baby steps, tension, hurt and disruption in the meantime. And a lot of mental and emotional multitasking.

    ---------- Post added 31st Mar 2016 at 07:18 PM ----------

    I understood what you meant :slight_smile:. I think your insights always tend to ring very true for me, so I can usually see your meaning, even if it's not always laid out explicitly.