Hey everyone, So, a lot of things have happened recently. I got a new job and moved 1500 miles from home. I'm in a new place full of new opportunity. I get to start over. Only one person, whom I work with before, knows my past. I came here with the opportunity to start over. People I work with are my age as opposed to the older group I was working with before. I'm in a large urban area. This is great right? Well, my coworkers are very homophobic. I hear gay remarks at least twice a day. I was told to be careful about where I'm living because a few streets over are where the gays have their shops and stuff with their flags (horror). So, I'm really disappointed. I want to be friends with these people. They really are witty smart people most of the time. They hang out outside of work a lot, too. I spend 50 hours a week with them... But there we are. Gay bashing on the daily. I've thought about saying something, but I'm on a probation hire period. They could say I just don't fit with the group and show me the door. I'm already one of the only women. I don't know if I should add another mark to my diversity bingo card and wave a rainbow flag, even after the probation period ends. I'm starting to hermit in my apartment. I was looking to work for social activities. I'm not sure what to do. I know I need to get out and meet people, and I will. Right now, though, I'm just sad about my high expectations. I guess I'm just looking for some support because I feel really alone right now.
(&&&) People can be lame. How long is the probationary period? It might be worth "toughing it out" just to cement your move/finances. This might be a side note/flat wrong but in case you haven't noticed men's IQ's tend to drop 10 to 200 points when around women and even more around "the guys" when there is a woman around. They're in no way right but some of it might be a case of stupid coming from a different direction (aka machismo vs thought out homophobia). Still not right, in any case. Maybe take a page from the gay dude in denial handbook? You don't need to mix your day life and your night life. In other words, F-em. What they don't know doesn't matter. Granted that will distance you from your coworkers (I wouldn't recommend it before being "full hired") as you're not hanging out together as much. But it's been done before. Hope things turn for the better soon. PC
My first thought would be to mentally thanks those idiots for identifying a gay neighbourhood for you and then start frequenting the area. Find a coffee shop or bakery where you can hang out. Chat with the staff in different shops, say you're new to the area, do they know a good dry cleaner or whatever. Start your "networking" here. I'll bet there are flyers for all sorts of activities posted somewhere. Find your new social circle amongst these people and let your coworkers be just that, coworkers. I'll bet you like the work, right? Concentrate on that right now while you settle in. And you never know, as you get to know the coworkers better, you may find some of them are just going along to get along and would be much happier not. You could still make friends with them. Let us know how things progress. (If you feel like it.)
I always try to keep some distance from my colleagues in my personal life, and yes I do spend 50+ hours with them every week. Maybe I am paranoid but I hate to mingle business with pleasure... Also agreeing with the previous posters: you should be happy now that you know where all the gays are
I wanted to post a quick update about this, because something awesome happened. This weekend, I went to a local Pride festival. One of the guys I work with asked me what I did this weekend, and I told him I was in such and so area checking the shopping and stuff out. We got to talking and I ended up mentioning the festival. He was like "hey, if you are interested in that scene, you might want to check out this neighborhood. My wife and I go there for dinner a lot. The people are great and the prices are good"! How cool is that? I found an ally!
