I'm dealing with a lot of anger this afternoon. I've never been an angry person but I feel all this pent up anger in the pit of my stomach. I'm angry at the world, I'm angry with myself for not dealing with things sooner. I'm angry at everything and I need to release. Stress ball at my desk is bearing the brunt of it all but it's all part of the accepting myself as gay thing. Why the fuck did this have to happen to me and why was I not able to accord myself before. I could have saved myself and others a lot of pain and hurt along the way. Why was I born this way and attracted to men. Why did I lose my dad when I was only six months old. Why why why why. Bastard world. I want rid of this anger now cos it's not a positive emotion but it needs to come out of me somehow.
Well, I can certainly related to your anger. I wish there was a magic formula that would eliminate it by snapping your fingers. But based on my experience, it takes time. As you work through your emotions, get comfortable with yourself, come to terms with how you got to where you got to, I believe you will find the anger diminish. As I posted on a prior thread, not sure it ever fully goes away (at least in my case it has not), but the progress that can be made is massive.
Yes it's not an emotion I am used to and I certainly have rarely ever gotten angry at anyone, it's as coming out to myself has released the full gambit of emotions. I'm trying some technique to help it dissipate. It can't go on forever as it's not good for me
Just, something you can do to help with it is to find another outlet. For me, I decided it was time to start working out (very sore BTW), after having outed myself accidentally to my wife (another thread). So now I go to work out 3-4 times a week and it does help some with the mind. Also having a place like EC to open up to others that are going through some of the same feelings I am. I will also start counseling on Monday 4/11.
It's okay to feel angry and it's okay to be angry. If you are not used to anger and the intensity of those feelings you may feel embarrassed, ashamed or out of control with all of it, but actually, why shouldn't you feel anger? It's a perfectly normal emotion that humans experience when they are confronted with stressful situations and circumstances. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to have/own and respond to these feelings. Admittedly, it's not great that they have come up now, while you are at work, so if it's bubbling up too much try to take five, even if it means going to the toilet. Leave your desk and give yourself space to simply breathe. If you concentrate on your breathing and nothing else for 5-10 mins, it might help you to get through until home time and keep the stressball handy too. The worst thing you can do is to turn the anger on yourself. You may not feel good about yourself right now, but self criticism and negative thinking will trap you in a spiral of depression and that's not a good place to be. Release the anger by going for a walk, run or to the gym if that's your thing. Punch or scream into a pillow, take a cold shower and focus on your breathing. Mindfulness techniques (search online) may also help you to get through this, but remember, it's okay to feel anger. I get angry sometimes... most people do. You've been though (you are still going through) a lot, so it would be amazing if you didn't feel this way actually. Oh, and make sure you keep talking. Vent it out!
Sometimes your body just needs to release the anger. Patrick UK has some great suggestions. No need to repeat... I remember a couple weeks ago I was angry for many of the same reasons. It hit on my way home from work one night. I just started screaming Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! into my motorcycle helmet as loud as I could. Was actually amazed at how much that helped. If other people could have heard me they would have freaked out.
Working out is a great idea and also getting your life testosterone levels checked as if it is low this can lead to depression and irritability and whilst trying to deal with what we all are dealing with anything that helps is positive. My wife has mentioned my issues to my grown up kids and we will discuss next weekend together- they seem supportive
I second the motion on working out. It always helps me. If you can find any support groups in the neighborhood, networking really helps too. Having a solid base of LGBT friends at school has really been helping me a lot. Meditating has too. I relate to your anger; I think it's something that happens to everyone, along the journey.
Anger is power when you are coming out! Anger is a call to action. Feel your anger and transform it into action. If you are mad at yourself for not accepting yourself as gay, go to a gay bar and dance the anger away. Or make an action plan for coming out or engaging with the LGBT community, then get on with the first few items. Go to the gym and create a sexy body. Your anger is a signal to take action. Also heed PatrickUK's advice on not turning the anger inward. If you don't release your anger constructively through action but rather turn it inward, it will turn into sadness and has the potential to lead you down a negative spiral.