We all have to rant a little bit sometimes, don't we? Accepting and embracing my identity is slowly but surely getting easier. I've met a woman who is gorgeous, fun, and makes me really happy to be with. I've almost got my college degree, I'm going to the Caribbean this summer, and my girlfriend is taking me to Galveston for my birthday. Basically, everything's groovy, right? Wrong. For all the people who have been super cool and accepting, there is one person who has been giving me tons of grief - my awful, awful ex-boyfriend. How awful was this guy? He was with someone else basically the entire time I was with him, yet shamed me every time I tried to see someone else too. I gave him a LOT of money to buy a house with the promise that we would move in together, and then he turned around and moved in with her on my dime. He bought her flowers and took her on a date while I was in the hospital with life threatening injuries after a motorcycle wreck. When he would get mad, he would go on about how he WAS gonna give me a ring, but since I f'ed it up, he sent the ring back. By my count, he sent back probably eight or so rings. No, really. When I first came out to him, he was really hateful. He called me a "dyke" and said I was giving up something great for a "gay lifestyle". Once I met my girlfriend and decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life having sex and relationships with women (because seriously, being with a woman is the most natural and wonderful experience I've ever felt and I wish I'd realized it sooner in life), he snapped. I should be happy that he's finally permanently out of my life, but I feel a lot of anger for all the time and energy and emotion that I wasted on him. When I was with him, my self-esteem was utter garbage; now that I'm with my girlfriend, I feel sexy and strong and like I'm starting to get a handle on myself. To think that I threw away all that time on his sorry ass when I could've been happy instead......I hate that. I did get a sick burn on him, though. When he was going off on a tirade about how I will never enjoy sex that good again, I retorted by saying that he was just jealous that I am way better at eating women out than he will ever be. He got sooooooo butthurt by that, I couldn't help but laugh. Thank you, my loves, for letting me rant just a bit about that. Anybody else had exes from hell crawl out of the woodwork when they came out?
Hello there. I do felt like this after a break up with a certain guy. It took me years to recover from that. He also wanted a girl, and I'm not... so now years after breakup when I finally try to get back my life, I deal with various emotions. I can't forgive myself I sacrificed so much for a guy that wasn't worth it. I hate that too. But I try to treat it as an experience in life that gave me a lesson about myself. Because I sacrificed so much (for him and my family), and I know how it influenced my life (badly), I now know that there is no half-way when it comes to living as yourself. I might have needed it to get stronger in the end. Good luck and lots of fun!
This guy sounds like a Class A douchebag - perhaps even the DICKtator of Douchebeckistan. Good riddance to bad rubbish, imho. You dodged a bullet on that one, love. My armchair shrink bet is that, if you sat with that anger for a while, you'd realize you're really angry and disappointed in yourself for (a) being with this douchenugget in the first place, (b) allowing him to use you, lie to you, etc, and (c) that feeling of waste is also some guilt at not leaving sooner. Babe, take a big deep breath. You are making strides at living authentically! Regret ain't gonna get you shit. It's just going to eat at you. One of my therapists suggesting making an effigy (no shit, a straw effigy of one of my issues re: regret, guilt, and shame - long story) and then burn that fucker. Both the creation and burn was cathartic. Hell, throw a party if you want and make it a social event (carefully considering what likely outcomes would occur if it got back to him) Love the sick burn! "At least she can find my clitoris, dipshit!" I had an ex get all stalker-y. After breaking up [fyi - her idea b/c she couldn't deal with me being bi], she'd leave love notes on my truck in the mall parking lot. *I* can barely find my own vehicle in the mall and I'm the one who parked it... Really super creepy. Jenn, meet restraining order. And then all was better.
