I'm away from the house at the moment. Been going back to say hello and help out with the baby. It tears me apart to leave and makes me feel horrendous. Both in tears and I feel like my heart is torn in two. To leave this behind for some big unknown is petrifying. It's so difficult and I know only time will heal matters but it suck so badly.
I'm sorry that you are hurting right now (*hug*) You feel torn apart and horrendous because of your shame. You still feel that you should want a normal life, and that's the source of your conflict. There's very little I can say to make this easier or less petrifying for you. I can offer you hope based on my personal experience that it's all worth it. You don't need to forfeit being a dad just because you are gay. You can be a gay dad living a conventional life if that's what you want. I posted this to a different thread recently, but will repeat it here for your consideration.
