I am new here. I've been reading some post and decided to post my story. I am a 37 female who is currently married for 15 years. I've been with my husband since 1997. A very long time.... I came out to him about 3 years ago. The type of I am but I'm not a lesbian. I fell for a girl at work and my husband would always ask. So is there someone you would like to be with (sexually)? Before this I would say no. But this time I was like . Yes! He was all for it and after a few days he was angry that I had a person in mind. Turns out after all the flirting she told me she just likes stick.lovely!I totally threw myself out there and everything falls to pieces!!!! Well... 3 years later I find myself wanting to be a woman more and more. We both still want to be together but are floating to wanting to be with others too. I know its not fair to him because I am what I am. I'm really at a stand still. I hate to move on and not be with him. I don't know. He's talking about open orientation marriage now too. I've always heard that they never work. I don't really have any gay friends. I know people who are but they really don't want to be friends. Maybe because they are very young. Any suggestions? Feeling alone.
Green, I very much feel where you're coming from here. I've been married for 16 years and from the beginning, I had a very hard time being intimate with my wife. I told her a couple weeks after we were married that I think I'm gay. We stayed together and I started seeing a psychiatrist (didn't know the difference back then, but I did need meds so it worked out). I was able to be intimate with her occasionally and she would tell me that she doesn't have a strong sex drive either. The psychiatrist when I brought it up to her said that I disclosed it to her and I needed to let it be and basically if she was alright with things, then I needed to just let her be her. We had a boy after 2 years (he's 14 now). Well, I've lived with guilt for practically our whole marriage believing she could be with someone better than me that could have true feelings for her and that she deserved that. I would basically take care of my "wantings" with gay porn and that was ok with me, but still upsetting that I couldn't give to her. Then I entered the dreaded porn chat room and developed a crush and became friends with one of the chat room guys. I spoke of this in another one of my posts so won't go into long detail other than to say that I "outted" myself by posting on his facebook a comment using my real facebook account instead of my fake one and she received notice about the comment that I had made. She wanted to talk, and while talking was under the impression that after those therapy sessions from when we were first married that I had lost those same sex feelings. I told her those feelings weren't ever going to go away. We are both going to be going to therapy now (individually). My wife is still under the assumptions that this can all be "fixed" and she wants to make the marriage work. I'm tired of feeling guilty, but I'm not going to move on until she starts back to work. She's a teacher and took off to substitute in the district where she wants to work so they can get to know her and she's going to start back up teaching next school year. I'm hoping her therapist can help her understand what I can't, that being gay isn't something that will just go away. She feels that my feelings come from things from my childhood and can be remedied.
Thank you for replying.... I'm feeling very alone right now. And its leading me down a dark road. I appreciate it.
