Well yesterday started out good but quickly turned into a long off and on discussion. I will not go into my whole story you can read it on my other post call "Epiphany". My day started out normal, went to a late lunch with the wife, the whole time she was on her phone, Facebooking, watching videos, answering texts and emails. When we got home she asked why I didn't talk to her.:tantrum:, I could not believe she ask me that. She asked me if I still even loved her, I told her as a person yes I do, but as a partner in life I question it because of the vibes and the was she treats me. She looked shocked, but I honestly feel she understood it, after she asked why I haven't been with her intimately in months, so I told her someone can only take so much rejection. Any time I tried to initiate it, I would get told my back hurts, or some other issue she was having. Then I was accused of sleeping with someone else (a female friend). I could not help but laugh at that. Then I was asked why I keep shutting her out of everything, I told her I'm not I have tried to include her in everything, but when she lays in the bed until noon or later every weekend it's kind of hard to include her in stuff, like when friends call wanting to go eat breakfast or even brunch. So I do stuff with my kids, or by myself. Not once during this conversation did I tell her I was gay :bang::bang:, but then last night I'm laying in the bed and she comes in and says, if your going to leave just do it. I really think she sees that this relationship is really over. I didn't feel me telling her I was gay would have helped in the situation, she emotions were already raw. I didn't allow my emotions to get in the way, I have a tendency to say things that I shouldn't when I allow my emotions to become raw. As I sit here and type this out reflecting on all that transpired yesterday, I almost felt a release and a burden has been lifted when I went to bed last night. Not sure what my next step maybe at this point. I do feel overwhelmed this morning with all that happened, my emotions are raw this morning. If this conversation starts up again today, I'm not sure I can handle it.
What is your plan and timeline for coming out to your wife? Clearly she sees the writing on the wall and dragging things out will make things harder for the both of you. While not having an extemporaneous coming out discussion last night was a good call, putting off the conversation indefinitely because it's difficult and unpleasant won't make things better. Do your homework and pick a time for coming out to her. Be sure to review all the things we've discussed in previous threads. The initial part of the journey is difficult and unpleasant, but will be worth it once you are on the other side living authentically as a gay man.
If there was ever an opportunity to have a discussion about sexuality it seems it has presented itself. Whether you plan on working on things or moving on; the moment for honesty may have arrived.
Ok today I took a lot of time thinking this through. Talked with both my support people, and they have told me the same thing, that it needs to be done ASAP. I have decided that by this time next week I will tell her. Today running through all the things we discussed last night, I feel I was emotionally raped. So I know today will not be the day. Since I am a teacher, I really wanted to wait till school was out the 1st of June. Honestly, I don't see me waiting till then at all. So I'm going to suck it up and do it. One of my support people told me that sometimes there is no right time, sometimes you just need to gather up what you have and just do it. My next post will be how I came out to her, the reason I'm saying this is so I can be held accountable to you guys here.
Forhim, I'm glad that you have support IRL and that you feel comfortable enough with EC to post and be accountable here. I also found EC to be very supportive when I came out to my wife. We are here for you. You will get to a place where you are so happy and content. The price of your happiness of course is having a very difficult conversation with your wife about who you are and dealing with the aftermath. This won't be fun, but you will get through it with the help of your friends on EC (and IRL). We love the gay man inside you that will find expression soon! Hugs and authenticity, (&&&)
I'm uncomfortable with the notion that you need to be accountable to the people here. This is a virtual community; if the shit really comes down, all you'll get here are kind words, which may not be enough. Be accountable to yourself only.
I agree that the OP (and other members who post updates to EC) are ultimately accountable to themselves; however, they are using EC like a weight loss buddy. The OP has shared his plans for coming out. In doing so, he's less likely to chicken out because he's declared his intent to the EC community and will need to explain himself if his plans change. I did not something similar when I was coming out, and it's a great way to leverage the virtual community.
I am accountable to myself, but as SF pointed out I have found support through this community along with people I have placed in my life, that I have contact with face to face and via phone. That I am also being help accountable to. The kind words are sometimes all one needs when they make this choice.
I think it's fine to have a plan and set a deadline for coming out (I had a deadline; a plan, not so much). But circumstances change, and I think it would be unfortunate were someone to come out prematurely because of an imagined obligation to some external entity, especially when that entity is a virtual community such as this one.
