I feel like sh*t right now

If this is too early to fail, then it is early to give up now. It is never too late to turn things around.

I think I understand how things can be so f*cked up when you have to be mature and you have all the responsibilities. I don't know much about you but I hope you will figure things out and live the healhy and beautiful life you deserve.

 

I wish you had the chance to get to know yourself better earlier. But sometimes things just happen and it sucks. I empathize with your situation, or at least I try to. And I don't think it is your fault, you didn't choose to have such confusion an chaos in your life. You are trying your best and it messes you up. I am not capable enough to give you any advice 'cause I've never had this kind of a challenge. I can see how hard it is.

 

You know, you are exactly who you are right now because of everything you did. If you would have done things differently would you have married? Had a child? Okay, would you have had the child you have now? Nope. Do you feel like you would have been better off?

Okay, let's say you had realized at age yada yada yada....and lived that life instead of the one you have now. Who is to say that you wouldn't have had regrets there? Very similar regrets (meaning you might have yearned for the kind of life you have now)? You could very well be contemplating doling out pain to different people for different reasons.

You can only assume how your life might have turned out had you done things differently. And you also can only assume that the other life would have made you happier.

Smile. You're ONLY 37. You have a long way to go.

Oops...did you say you didn't want advice???? Sorry.

 

Barista,

I'm definitely in the same boat with you. I recently accepted these feelings being married with a daughter. I never really had a good relationship with a woman until now. My wife is an awesome human being! BUT now i find myself wanting some sort of relationship with a guy. WTF!! Excuse my french. I hate myself for it. I too wish i could of accepted this years ago. I new that the attraction was there but i ignored it. I ignored it bc i had to be a "man!"

Now im just taking it day by day. I really dont know what to do!

 

I feel similar! I am a little happier in my marriage than you are I suppose?, but I've still made many of the same mistakes and have the same regrets.

I feel you sister

 

For what it's worth, I'm 53. I just discovered (re-discovered actually) my own gender bendiness. If want the whole story, ready my intro thread in the Welcome Lounge area. It's not easy and I have a lot of regrets too. The one thing I'll say is having regrets doesn't mean you failed. It means you took some chances and didn't take others. I regret the 30+ years I wasted not exploring that side of me. I regret that I have so much to learn that I could have learned decades ago.

On the other hand, the world is more accepting of people like me now than it was 30 years ago, so maybe it's easier now than it would have been then.

We can always play what if games, but sometimes, "what is" is better than "what if."

Anyways, lots of warm thoughts your way, and best wishes for you.

Morgana

 

barista, I don't know about your full story (sorry I didn't read most of your previous posts) but I just want to say that in a family situation it is impossible to make all members happy and satisfied at all times. At some point you will have to hurt or disappoint somebody and I think that is totally fine.

I grew up in a household where everyone thought s/he had made the biggest sacrifice in order to keep the family together. Guess what, everyone was also constantly complaining about how their own dreams were never fulfilled b/c of their kids/spouses/etc. If I could choose, I would rather not have been born so that all my family could go pursue whatever they wanted. Not saying you should abandon your kids or family of course. But you have to treat yourself well too. Stay strong.

 

Having a child and changing your life style is never easy. I have a young son and at 27 I feel like I'm old for transitioning. I asked myself many times if I was being selfish for doing this and making my son's life a little more difficult. I realized that if I wasn't happy, he wouldn't be either. Kids adapt easy no matter their age, they love their parents unconditionally even if they get mad at them for a long while (my mom hasn't been the best and has put me through shit that other people would tell me to give up on her, but I still love her). As long as you are there for your kids (kids?) and keep them in the loop, remind them that you love them no matter what and they can always come to you, even if you aren't always there physically, than you are doing the right thing. Keep moving forward, keep fighting, keep going, and always keep the connection between you and your kid open. You'll do fine than.

 

Having a child and changing your life style is never easy. I have a young son and at 27 I feel like I'm old for transitioning. I asked myself many times if I was being selfish for doing this and making my son's life a little more difficult. I realized that if I wasn't happy, he wouldn't be either. Kids adapt easy no matter their age, they love their parents unconditionally even if they get mad at them for a long while (my mom hasn't been the best and has put me through shit that other people would tell me to give up on her, but I still love her). As long as you are there for your kids (kids?) and keep them in the loop, remind them that you love them no matter what and they can always come to you, even if you aren't always there physically, than you are doing the right thing. Keep moving forward, keep fighting, keep going, and always keep the connection between you and your kid open. You'll do fine than.

 

Kids are resilient. They will find their own way in life. Whether you are married or not is not the issue, as long as you show them love, that is what counts. You will have your ups and downs with your children regardless,

No one is being selfish for becoming their true self so long as you continue to show your kids love.

Kids should not be a reason for not becoming your true self.

 

Better that your child is younger, as any transition at this point will be seamless. It will just be the way it is. I'm dealing with an angry 15 year old and it sucks.

 

Trust me, I know how it is. I am dealing with very angry 17 and 19 year olds. Oy!

 

I feel the same way, it would have made life a lot more easier for me I know for sure. :eusa_doh::eusa_doh: moment for sure! I wish I would have opened my door sooner also, but it is what it is.

 

Someone once told me if you spend too much time looking backwards you get a sore neck.

 

Your daughter will be fine if you and your husband show her love and show each other respect. I swear to you this is true.