am i bi or a lesbian and will it end my relationship ?

We can't tell you if you are a lesbian or not. But frankly the label itself doesn't matter if you are not at all attracted to your current partner. If sex with someone you are attracted to is important to you then you need to end the relationship anyway. I would tell you that even if you were straight.

If sex with someone you are attracted to is NOT important to you then you have a difficult choice to make.

---------- Post added 20th Apr 2016 at 06:16 PM ----------

Sorry didn't mean to sound harsh! I'm cooking dinner and i think my post was too abrupt especially for the first one.

This is a sad thing you are going though! I empathize.

But I kind of think focusing on the orientation question is not the key to your situation necessarily. I am of the opinion that real life experience is pretty important in determining orientation (many here would strongly disagree---but I stand by my opinion).

But none of that matters if you are not attracted to your partner for WHATEVER reason.

So pw

 

I agree with "CapColors", do not worry about the label. Sexual orientation continually evolves and changes for some people. The main thing is to be with someone you feel loved and connected with. If you are looking for physical attraction and a best friend, then you need to look deeply at your current relationships. However, just remember that ALL relationships --even relationships with other women--are hard work and none are perfect relationships. The thing I'm concerned about with you is that you are still so young. You have a full life ahead of yourself and you aren't even married or have kids. I would not like to hear that you get married with regrets and always wonder what it would be like to be with a woman. Perhaps you may consider taking some time off of your relationship to take time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself and not worry so much about hurting the other person.

 

I would have to agree with the others above. If having good sex is important to you than you'd have to end this relationship either way. You said that you've been with him since you were 16 and you are now 23 and not married. If you are doubting this relationship at this point then it is probably doomed anyway. Explain to him what your feeling and go out and explore the world. You are still young. You're gonna need to have this question answered at some point. Read all the posts here on this forum about people who currently in a marriage and are trying to find a way out. Don't get married to a man until you know for sure which way you swing.

 

I also agree with the above. You are too young to not explore more. He may be a great guy, but if you have doubts get it out there. Believe me. You don't want to be almost 40 with two kids and a 13 yr marriage and meet the woman you have always been looking for. It is not easy. So talk to him and tell him what you are feeling. That you love him but physically it just isn't there. I have two lesbian friends who had relationships like that with men. They loved them, but weren't physically attracted to them. Once they opened up about how they felt they discovered their true selves. The label doesn't matter. I refer to myslef as queer. Because I am still married to a man but am in love with a woman.
Small steps. It has taken me almost four years to come to terms with my queerness.
Good luck and much love.

 

Yeah, I agree with the others. It sounds like you really need to get out there and explore your options. You don't have to be sure that you're a lesbian to break up with your boyfriend - the fact that you're questioning your sexuality and not attracted to him more than enough reason (though I totally understand that it's not easy). And you don't have to say you're a lesbian if you're not 100% sure. It's fine to just be "questioning" or "probably a lesbian but not really sure".

Best of luck with everything.

 

23 is too young to settle my darling. And remember, HE DESERVES BETTER than to be with someone who doesn't want to sleep with him.

Run, run now before you are like the rest of us actual late in lifers with tons of baggage like marriages, mortgages and kids.

 

Yes, yes , yes!! What she said!

 

I also agree with this!!

You are still so young, as you say maybe you have not come to terms with who you are yet and that may take time and be a process you need to go through. I wouldn't worry about labels just now, but it does sound like you really want to experience being with another woman.

Although hard to end the relationship with your boyfriend, it sounds like ultimately that is the right think to do, it becomes much harder once marriage, kids etc become involved!!