I just turned 46 four days ago. I just learned the term gender-fluid. I feel the description resonates with me. But am I imagining it? For much of my life, maybe mid-twenties til now, I have identified with male leads in action movies. For the Scorpion King or Van Damme or Stallone, I don't think "oh they are hot." I want to BE them. But I also identify with tough female leads. On a subconscious level, I will speak in male voices rather than female when learning other languages, when I am repeating words in private. I am sometimes attracted to women. But in a romantic rather than a sexual way. I want to kiss, put my arm around her shoulder, buy her dinner,and protect her. But I love makeup and nail polish. I dress in skirts and colorful dresses. Am I making much out if nothing? Am I really genderqueer?
I'm not sure how to answer your question, but you being you is not a problem! There is also this forum: Gender Identity and Expression that may help, if this later in life forum does not give a response for you.
I PERSONALLY (don't kill me, everyone!) think that some of the new gender labels condone a very limited and binary view of gender just so they can indicate a rejection of that view. Like being female gender is about skirts and femme-ness and being a male is about shooting things and I want to do both so I'm genderqueer. I personally think that there is room for a lot of varied gender expression within the confines of any of the main genders. In other words, if you don't subscribe to limited and narrow definitions of gender, you won't need to reject them with new labels. A LOT of women identify with men in media because the men are often the ones with the highly agentic and/or well written roles. Some women identify more with the men in PORN because they don't like submission. These things do not make you less or more of a woman if woman is how you identify. Also, gender is orthogonal to sexuality, and conflating them is another rabbit hole in my opinion. You can be a butch woman and sleep with men or women. You can be femme and dominant in bed with men or women... Etc. Now, I am NOT claiming that some people are not legitimately assigned the wrong gender based on their bio sex. I have neither the science nor the moral authority to back up such a claim, and I wouldn't want to try. Just...be careful that your definition of gender isn't too narrow, or you will certainly find yourself feeling alienated. No one is the exact prototype of a man or a woman, because the exact prototype is not a real thing anyway.
I'm glad someone else thinks this. The middle of the gender spectrum I think can cause some confusion in people who just are not a typical man or woman. I feel like people do always need to consider that they can break the rules of a gender and they don't need a word for it. There are so many parts of my whole character from really deep things I can't control to superficial things that conflict with being one gender or the other. Many of them are boyish, some of them are girly, and plenty of them are so oddly genderless that people have called my personality androgynous. But... I don't really care either way. That's just from a cis perspective though. You need trans answers too to decide which side of the fine line you fall.
I spent a looong time questioning whether or not I was genderqueer/fluid. The concept of being non-binary resonated really strongly with me, and it explained a lot of my past experiences, confusion and (mild) dysphoria. On the other hand, I also wondered whether maybe I was just a binary woman who was trying to put a label on something that didn't need one. After a ton of soul-searching, I eventually reached the conclusion that my gender wasn't a list of things I do or how I present, it's about how I feel inside. And inside, I feel fundamentally non-binary. I *do* feel female on some levels, but the label just doesn't feel sufficient in itself. It's not something I discuss with anyone IRL, but learning about being non-binary has helped me understand things about myself that confused me for many years, and for that, I'm grateful. Somehow accepting the label was very freeing, and the moment I did it, I more or less stopped thinking about it. It also helped to free me in terms of how I present - I no longer stress about shopping in the men's section, or wearing sparkly nail polish. I just do whatever feels natural and don't worry about whether it adheres to a preconceived notion of gender roles (not that you can't do that without IDing as non-binary, but that's the effect it had on me). My advice is to just sit with it and give it time. Maybe you'll realise you're someone who doesn't fit the stereotypes but still feels like like a woman. Or maybe you'll realise that there's a non-binary term that fits you better. My personal experience is that if it resonates with you strongly and you're heavily questioning it, then there's probably something to it. Just my 2 cents.
