This was my last weekend in the house. Everyone seems to mostly be in acceptance, or at least putting on a brave face I guess. It was still difficult for me, doing things for the last time, feeling guilty and second guessing if it was really the right thing to do. Then out of nowhere my trigger informed me that she must move several states away, to go back home, as soon as possible, because she hasn't adjusted well to relocating for me and is increasingly anxious and depressed. She wants to go work with her long-time therapist to fix herself and be a better person who loves herself so she can love me. While I certainly understand I am crushed and can't be compassionate and supportive for her right now. She made me realize how truly unhappy I was and gave me the strength to make this huge change. I began to not care that we were "different" and decided to just say I am straight but happened to fall in love with a woman. I don't look at other women and think about being with them, just her. And now it doesn't matter. I don't know if we will try to have something long distance or just "keep in touch" or even if I will ever see her again. She says she didn't lie and meant things she said and the plans we made, but of course now I don't trust anything she says. This pain is crushing. So now I understand why everyone says don't get in a new relationship until your current one is resolved. I could go back to my husband and work things out but I don't feel in my heart that we would ever have the intimacy I felt with my trigger and that no one can make me feel like she did. I love her so much! Plus he would never fully trust me again. Do I wait and hope she comes back or say fuck off and move on alone? I know you can't answer that for me, but damn Karma is a bitch! :tears: My future looks very bleak right now. All I have to look forward to is time with my kids.... Assuming they still want to see me after next weekend.
Oh, honey. I am so sad for you. I feel your pain and your despair. I don't think you need to figure anything out about your future right this second. Time will tell if you will be able to feel this way about another woman or if she will come back to you. I would just try to do your best moving forward with your current decisions. As you yourself are saying: you were very unhappy, and going back right now may not resolve your problems with your husband. I would let yourself feel this pain without wondering what it means for your future right this second. So many hugs.
I'm sorry to hear about these circumstances. Who knows what your gf is going through? It sounds like there's been a lack of communication at the very least. I think you might want to consider the third option of thanking the Universe for what you've gained from this relationship ('cause it sounds like you gained quite a lot), and moving on, treating this as a positive stepping stone. If at some point she contacts you and wants to resolve anything, you can decide then whether that's in your interest. But there's no point in "waiting around to see" while there's a life to be lived!
Thanks everyone. This despair is horrid. I haven't weeped like this since my mom passed away. I guess it will get better one day, however very far away that may be.
I agree with all this. Live your life. There is so much out there to explore. And women to meet. Find yourself now that you have the freedom to feel real, embrace it. Everyday will be a struggle at first, but find something in each day to love. Love yourself first, love your life. It isn't easy. My trigger has left me in the middle of me starting the divorce process with my husband. Out of nowhere she started dating again. I have to see her almost daily because we work in the same building. It hurts to know she is right there, but so far out of reach. So in some ways be thankful she isn't nearby. The grieving will be hard, but you don't have to worry about running into her. I am sorry you are hurting, keep talking to us, we are here. (*hug*)
I think she is cutting all contact. She won't even meet me to give me things I left at her place, but will drop them at my apartment. I have cycled between extreme grief and anger, and she is afraid of me! I did nothing wrong and now I have to live with that too! And I can't even talk to anyone, she was a secret. I told my husband we broke up long ago to make this easier for me, how ironic! Good news is I have a therapy appointment next week...three free sessions through my work. So I guess I will look forward to that. It's something right? DancingGirl, are you still proceeding with your divorce? I'm sorry that happened, it sure doesn't help the stereotype that lesbians like to play with straight women's feelings does it? :tears:
Mayflower, I am so sorry for your loss. I can feel your pain, it hurts so much. This girl and me have some weird history. We were both involved with somone until this past Dec. When her long term gf broke up with her. We had stopped seeing each other for about a year before that. We would talk occasionally but nothing more. Then after the break up she contacted me. We have been having an affair since. It seemed like fate that she was back. I had decided two weeks before she contacted me that I was going to get a divorce. But I wanted to prepare before I did. So I was waiting until my kids were away during Spring Break. One week after I told my husband, she leaves me. But I am still proceeding. I am a lesbian. I cannot get around that. I will not be happy in my marriage. I am hoping to meet someone to love me the way I deserve. That or ne happily single. Again I am so sorry for everything she has put you through. It isn't easy. But us women are survivors. You will get back up and find a happy life again. Start small. Take time to heal. Take care and keep talking. I am here if you need a shoulder.
I'm sorry, I assumed since you were married you were questioning. I didn't remember your story, I didn't mean any offense.
If I sounded rude, I wasn't trying to be. I identify more with being queer right now bc I am still married to a man, but will identify as lesbian once I am out. I was not offended by what you said. I was just being clear that I wasn't leaving just for her. I am in love with her and want to be with her, but she has chosen a different path. I am excited to meet and date other women if that is where my life is taking me. I hope you find some comfort soon. Your life sounds very difficult right now and I wish nothing but happiness to find it's way to you.
sometimes people are meant to be in our lives just long enough to influence where we need t be, give us that push, strength to do what we haven't been able o do on our own. I know triditionally we are expected to find a mate and be with them and only them until death do you part, but there is no written rule that sais we need to do that. SOmetimes relationships last only as long as we need them and even though you dont want it to end, sometimes it needs to happen. I know that doesnt make you feel better but in these situations when someone leaves my life I try to be optimistic. (easier sad than done, I know) I hope you feel better soon and we(all of EC) are here for you. Feel free to message me if you feel you need to talk. one more thing, you said she says she didnt lie, and maybe she meant it at the time and it wasnt a lie, things may have changed for her which changed what her truth was. I know its hard to differentiate the difference between a lie and a changed truth, but I am just trying to give a different perspective. And I could be way off because I dont know the full story.
No worries Dancing. I didn't think you were being rude. Cameron yes, what you say makes sense and I do believe that but damn it hurts like hell that this has happened. She isn't ready to be with me yet, and I am trying to accept it. Maybe it will never be. I don't know. It's just the timing of it when I am already stressed and sad about moving out, even though it's what I wanted. She was not the reason I wanted to leave, I was unhappy long before I met her, but she was the catalyst to make me realize I guess. I look like death warmed over from crying and not sleeping. :tears:
