This is sort of out of left field, but sometimes my feelings hsppen that way. Something today triggered a bunch of thoughts about my abuse when I was a kid, and I'm starting to feel so angry right now. He f*d up my understanding of myself so much that it has taken me this long to live, to feel things fully, to start being myself. It makes me so angry. F*% you you f^*%ing bastard.
Thanks Cameron, I may take you up on that PM. (*hug*) I'm trying to look at it as healthy as I can, I've had a good life, I have my daughter, and supportive amazing people in my life and have had wonderful experiences. I just can't help but feel robbed of healthy thoughts and feelings and behaviours.
This might sound odd, but I think you should look at your emotions which you are experiencing in a positive way. It means you are now dealing with your past, coming to terms with it and allowing yourself the start of a proper healing process. Good for you!
Thank you (*hug*) it's interesting, actually, I think I haven't really felt proper anger towards the guy who abused me until coming out and coming to terms with how much he's impacted that area of my life. Prior to that is was mostly shame and lots of other deep toxic feelings. Maybe that does indicate that it is s good sign. I wrote another post about coming out to my dad yesterday, and I mentioned that I talked to him about how the abuse impacted me. Talking about it starts to give it less power. Sharing its impact it and gaining support from people who love me makes me feel like the toxic effects have less room to grow.
I can totally relate. It's a fairly recent revelation to me that the abuse I experienced as a kid really messed with my own understanding of myself. That's a pretty big thing to mess with. It's makes all kinds of sense that you'd be feeling some really big anger around that. I'm glad you shared it with us. We are for sure a community that understands how damaging it is to not be connected to who you are.
Thanks so much for the support and thanks for sharing yeehaw, I'm so sorry you went through something like this as well. (&&&)
Preach it, sisters. I've got a lot of anger at Howie, [yes, that's the rat bastard's real name - and no, you don't get a pseudonym, asshat], the coniving, grooming, guilt-instilling assclown who basically destroyed my innocence. Leaving the obvious statutory rape issues of 13 year old me with a 27 year old man (Howie the D-Bag), he made my first tiptoe out of the closet so shameful and filthy, that it was almost a decade later that I was able to process his bullshit and have a relationship on equal footing with another man. And when that relationship ended, I met my wife and here I am. So yeah, I feel ya, baristajedi. Preach it, sisters.
(&&&) thanks for sharing your story MsEmma. You're really strong for getting through that situation. Big big hugs to you (*hug*)
