It's something I've been wrestling with recently. It's very likely that I will not be able to fully come out, let alone build a great relationship, in my current town. This is simply not a place where gay people are broadly welcomed with open arms. So my question is, is moving and starting completely over worth it? Giving up a promising career? A decent living? Housing? Plus all the costs associated with moving? I guess the answer would be different for each person. I just don't know what my answer is.
I'm going to answer your question by breaking it down into 2 separate questions. Is being fully out worth it? Can you come fully out where you live currently? Is being fully out worth it? Absolutely - Coming out to others is a very powerful way to help heal the shame because the closet and your secret lose their power over you. You declare to the world that you are gay. You begin to live authentically and proudly. You are liberated! Can you come fully out where you live currently? Without knowing where you live, this is a difficult question to address, so you'll need to figure out for yourself whether you want to come out and see what happens. If you feel there's a real risk for personal harm by coming out, I would personally give serious thought to moving. So to answer your question, my personal take is that you'll be a lot happier and content by coming out. Your vacation time gave you a good sense of what is possible if you were to come out (in an accepting area). You need to assess if that's possible where you and live and if not run the numbers to determine if moving makes sense in order to be happier and more content.
With every decision in life, there are opportunities and risks. I would suggest you take a rational approach to it. Come up with a list of pros and cons and see how you prioritize the benefits and the risks. I went through such a thought process and some of the risks I identified did in fact happen. However, all of the personal benefits I gained from coming out have, at least or me, offset the losses that actually occurred. It would have been great if everything went exceptionally well and none of the risks materialized, but that is unfortunately not how the world works. Only you can decide what your priorities are and how much sacrifice your willing to make in order to benefit from the fruits of coming out. And no one can fault you if you decide the risks are not worth it.
