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Alright, I'm ready to make out with a woman

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by baristajedi, Apr 30, 2016.

  1. baristajedi

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    So, I'm stealing another poster's idea, but asking a slightly different question. :slight_smile:

    I am pretty much dreaming and longing and wishing and thinking all the time about making out with a woman. I suppose at this point I'm feeling confident, happy and eager to meet a woman, and find the courage to flirt, and in some mysterious turn of events, kiss this sweet cute woman.

    But, guys, I'm a rookie, I'm shy, I'm inexperienced. And honestly, I don't know what the hell I'm doing out there. Can you ladies/guys give me some suggestions? Like a step by step guide for finding a cute girl and kissing her, 'for dummies'?

    Tonight I went again to a gay bar. There were a couple cute girls but the bar was full of so many men. I did make a friend, a nice guy, who I chatted with about everything, we even talked about how we came out of the closet, our families, lots of stuff. And that was awesome. But I'm trying to meet a girl :/. I sort of started a conversation with one girl, but didn't go far with that, and then chickened out of chatting up another girl because the bar was closing.

    I suppose a bar might not be the best route...? I don't know...guys help me out here.

    I also signed up for another online site, where I am hoping to meet women. But I'm asking for any and all advice you all can give me here. I'm ready to meet women and my confidence is really high right now. I just have no idea what I'm doing.
     
    #1 baristajedi, Apr 30, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2016
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey take a deep breath it's going to be ok.

    I do have one question, have you dated men before or not? It doesn't matter either way I just wondered.

    I do think it can be difficult to meet people at bars although that doesn't mean it's impossible. I think the dating site is probably better although it's your choice.

    I think the best advice anyone can give you is just to be yourself :slight_smile:. Try and enjoy talking to the different people and don't get disheartened if you don't get anywhere immediately.
     
  3. CameOutSwinging

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    I've definitely never been a fan of bars. Online dating seems like the option most people go with and I'm more than sure you can meet somebody who will be happy to make out with you. I think my approach would be to try and meet some friends first, so if there are any meetup groups you could join as a means to doing that, it could be a good first step.
     
  4. OutofZCloset

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    Like I said before I don't think I could do the bar scene. Try the on-line route. It is gonna be more difficult as you are older but there are a lot of people that have ended a long term marriage and then came out later in life. So they are out there. As far as kissing a woman. Don't worry about that. Trust me your internal juices will start flowing and you'll feel like a pro. The first woman I was with smiled and asked me if It was truly my first time. She didn't believe it because she didn't think I could be so comfortable with it. But when you've accepted who you are and let your instincts take over the animal comes out. I think you're at that place too. Trust me you're probably gonna have trouble slowing yourself down because you're gonna want to jump her bones so bad. Take the time to find the right woman so that first time is special. Have confidence that you will find that hot girl. I dated a lot of women for about six months right after I left my husband. I didn't want to sleep around so I barely even kissed a girl during that time. Until I found my future wife. As soon as I met her it was difficult to hold back. The excitement and the rush were amazing. Yes I did have six months of pent up sexual frustration but I am glad I waited and let me tell you it was incredibly difficult. I dated probably 30 girls in that six months. I called it speed dating. Because if it didn't click I just moved on. I knew what I was looking for and I didn't want to settle just because I was super horny. So just be patient you're hot chick will come along.
     
  5. afgirl

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    You ask the most thought provoking questions....

    Hmm...well, I'm no expert, either. Not really a bar person. And...cute to you, well, it's all subjective. Really, you just need to talk to someone you find interesting, make a connection, and go from there. Also, do you want to just make out and go on your merry way or cultivate something? I'm told that straight girls have a tendency to just kiss a lesbian in a gay bar....probably because of the alcohol, the atmosphere, curiosity. Not saying your straight, just that what your describing isn't unheard of.

    I've only ever tried dating men on an online dating site, and well, obviously that didn't work for me. However, I know two ladies who met on a popular site and they are now married. So, you know, everybody's different. The thing is, when you make that connection, it may be far more powerful than you imagined.

    Good luck and keep posting. :wink:
     
  6. baristajedi

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    Thanks :kiss: I'm ok, in fact, Im really happy right now. (Just inexperienced and over eager)

    I have only ever been with men, in answer to your question.

    I suppose what I was hoping was that I meet women in many different ways - in this stage of my coming out journey, I'm interested in meeting a variety of women, and having a variety of experiences, so I was hoping to be able to meet women on the online site, but also to meet women at bars.

    It seems the bar thing is unlikely though from what everyone is saying and from my experiences seeing so few women there...

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2016 at 05:20 AM ----------

    COS - this answer is encouraging to me. So maybe the online sites can be a way for me to find s variety of experiences as well??

    I'm completely new in this. I do of course, crave a serious, long term, meaningful connection with a woman. But.... Um to be honest, First I want to play a bit. i mean I've *never* dated a woman. So I don't want to fall in love at this moment. I want to meet women who I can laugh with, who I find smart and interesting and fun, who turn me on, and be intimate/physical with, in this stage.

    So do you think I can get that experience through online dating?

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2016 at 05:27 AM ----------

    I think you're totally right about making friends as well. I'm certainly working on that. LGBT meetups are a normal part of my routine. And I'm starting to feel like I'm making friends, one good friend so far (we've been talking nearly every day since we met a couple of moMaths ago!).

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2016 at 05:27 AM ----------

    *months

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2016 at 05:36 AM ----------

    This is all super encouraging. I am actually honestly starting to feel like I don't know how to hold myself back anymore, haha. I just don't know how to get from standing around thinking about it to having a sweet girl in front of me giving me the 'kiss me' eyes. I'm at a point now where I have a lot of confidence and I'm ready to have fun, I think when I get into that moment it will be super natural.

    I (don't judge me), *do* kind of want to sleep around. Well, more like 'make out around', I have never in my entire life slept around. And u have never once in my life even kissed a woman. So I feel like that experience is something that will be good for me.

    I don't *only* want to sleep around of course. I really really want a meaningful relationship with a woman. At a later stage, that meaningful relationship is what I've craved On a deeper level.

    But first, fun please. :icon_bigg
     
    #6 baristajedi, Apr 30, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2016
  7. baristajedi

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    I find *so* many girls to be cute, le sigh. There's so many cute women out there in the world. Sorry, tangent....

    You asked 'do I just want to kiss someone and be on my merry way or cultivate something?' The answer is yes and yes. :lol:

    For now, and for a little while, I just want to kiss and be in my merry way, perhaps go further, but certainly I just want to have fun, no strings. But if it turned into something more, that's awesome.

    At a later stage I want something deeper. I want to have a meaningful romantic and substantial relationship with a woman.

    I'm starting to think Cyndi Lauper was wrong...do girls not just wanna have fun?? I just want to have fun for a little bit. There is time for something more serious. I'm not win to doing what my heart's not ready for right now.

    I'l kiss a straight girl, or a girl just coming out of a relationship, or whatever the circumstances... I'm ok with that for the stage in in right now. But I am certainly *not* that straight girl in the bar. I'm just an inexperienced queer girl. But you say this isn't unheard of.... Really??? Where do I find these kiss-eager girls?? There's not that many women out in the scene so far. Maybe when I get home I'll find the scene to be different. And I just don't know how to get from point a to point b. See girl, chat, kissing commences...?

    I'm definitely going to put some more time into the dating sites I've found. It seems that's a good direction.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Hey its good to be eager and happy. How many bars have you tried many there are others with more girls? I agree with the other posters making friends is a great way to start friends can help introduce you to other people and perhaps if you can find other people to go to the bar with you will find it easier to start talking to people.
    Groups sound like a good way to meet people in a more real life scenario but I do think that a lot of people meet on dating sites now.
     
  9. baristajedi

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    I just got the courage for the bar scene last week, and so far I've been to 6 places.

    But I'm only in this city for a visit (I'm in my hometown right now). I'll be heading back to my current city tomorrow. I have no idea what the scene is like there... I won't be able to get back to a bar for a couple of weeks (because of some parenting logistics). But I do have plans with a friend to go to a gay bar when I get back.

    Maybe when I get back I can share my interests with my friend, maybe she'll help me find my way a bit.

    It sounds like that plus the dating sites are my best bet.
     
  10. SiennaFire

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    Here's my reaction to post #1. I haven't read the other replies.

    Why limit yourself to making out? Presumably you are looking to meet a woman for physical and emotional exploration? Of course you'll need to figure out how far you can go since you are still married, e.g., would an emotional connection and/or sleepovers be possible.

    I think this reduces to the usual ways of meeting LGBT folk that have been discussed here with the customary tradeoff of each format. I'd suggest trying all of them if possible.
    • Meetups/support groups
    • Hookup apps
    • Dating apps
    • Bars
    Please stop focusing on/apologizing for being a newbie. I think it's OK to acknowledge that you are married and learning the ropes, but it's not like you've never been kissed. The hardest part is internal - dealing with the shame and letting your guard down enough to allow yourself to be open to the experience of discovering your true sexuality. Once you do that, the rest takes take of itself. You'll discover what you've been missing.

    HTH
    SF
     
  11. OutofZCloset

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    Absolutely no judgment here. A part of me does wish I would have slept around a little bit. But I was 26 years old and obviously too much of a prude at the time to let myself go wild. I look back on it and I was such a tease. I would flirt heavily but would back off when it came right down to it. Like I said even though it was killing me I barely even kissed a girl for six months. Gosh I was stupid. I don't know why I felt the need to save myself for the perfect person but that was kind of my mentality. Young and stupid I guess. If it was today or if i could do it all over again....hell yes I'd be sleeping around. :slight_smile:
     
  12. afgirl

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    Ha. Well, that's what my girlfriend tells me. I am always shocked at her stories, but she's been out most of her life. It's funny, I would never have thought she would be my type. But she's exactly my type. And I wasn't looking for anything serious...I was actually in a very casual and non exclusive relationship with a guy from work. And then....bam. That was it. Out of the blue. You just really never know how you're going to react to something. Don't worry about being inexperienced. It all just kind of works out....and seems quite natural. That was my big concern though. The physical part. I stressed because I didn't know how to be with a woman. Turns out, I caught on quite easily. :wink: I just wish I would have believed her when she told me it wasn't something to worry about.

    Well, at the lesbian bar there were definitely straight girls. I'm sure there were a lot of straight people there, but there were the straight drunk girls who thought they were cute. You kind of couldn't miss them.
     
  13. baristajedi

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    Ha, well truthfully I'm not limiting myself to making out. I'm just ready at this point to kiss/make out with a woman. For at least my first attempt at physical intimacy :slight_smile:.

    What I want for a little while is to meet women and just have fun, mostly have some laughs, and be physical with them. That includes making out or more... But of course the logistics of being married will limit that. When it feels right, I want also to build an emotional connection with a woman, a meaningful emotionsl connection plus intimacy.

    All those things you mention are things I'm starting to do...so far, I'm just not getting the experience out of bars that I was hoping for. Meetups are going well and I'm making great friends. Hookup apps...I haven't really checked into that. Dating sites I'm just getting started with and I'm thinking I will want to make more use of.

    You're right, there's no reason to apologise for being a newbie. I suppose that's my last vestige of confidence killer, and perhaps just saying f* it, who cares if I'm a newbie, will get me over that roadblock.

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2016 at 08:14 AM ----------

    :slight_smile:

    Well, you've found your way to a really amazing love, and you're fulfilled and happy (right?), so that's all that matters at this point.

    I'm so much not a prude at this stage. Younger me would be shocked out how ok I am with saying, um I just want to get laid. I mean obviously I want more than that at some point, but right now I think it's totally fine to just want some fun.

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2016 at 08:19 AM ----------


    I'm so happy you've got this great girl in your life. :slight_smile:

    I wish I knew where she was hanging out, bring the kiss-hungry girls my way. :wink:

    I really don't see many girls out in gay bars... I think yesterday I might have had more luck if I'd have gotten there earlier because there were s couple of girls, but it is what it is. I was having so much fun with my sister before I went out, and I'm leaving tomorrow so I went late to the bar. Meh. Maybe I'll have more luck at home, fingers crossed.
     
    #13 baristajedi, Apr 30, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2016