I wish it came easily to me, accepting shortcomings. But it isn't; maybe it doesn't come easily to anyone. I found someone here who's gay, and I tried to make friends. I thought it might work out, but I don't think it is. And it's killing me. I feel like I've failed. I mean, it takes two people to make a friendship, so who knows whose fault it is (if that's the right way to look at it), but it really sucks for me. I know that this is just a part of life, but I don't enjoy it. Maybe it's because I've never really tried to take the risk before and I'm just not used to it. But that doesn't change the fact that I really wanted to make a gay friend, and I didn't. I feel like he and I should be out doing something tonight, but we're not. To say the least, it doesn't feel good.
Can you say more about what happened? My personal take on gay friendship / dating is that it's a numbers game. You're not going to click with every guy you say hi to. I don't take things personally because I know I'm a great guy who has a lot to offer to another guy who gets me. I don't take rejection personally because it's feedback about the mutual connection rather than feedback about me. I don't need the approval of others to feel good about me. So you should feel great about yourself because you took the risk. It's a numbers game, so you need to play another hand or two before you find a guy you connect with. This is how I think about these things. Hopefully you find this thought process helpful.
Raise your right hand (or left, if you prefer) swing it to your opposite shoulder and pat yourself on that shoulder, then say to yourself: well done, well done.. Why you ask? Because you took a chance, you entered the arena...so you failed, so what? It wouldn't be called risky if it were easy. Draw the right conclusion from this experience, you overcame what you thought was a natural inclination, you learned that you are strong enough to take a chance... Now get out there and do it again, the practice will do you good!
Hey man, I'm sorry to hear this. But I do think SF is wise when he mentions that it's a numbers game. It's something I think about a lot. You're not a failure just because you haven't made this one friendship work right now. Hugs.
Thanks for your support. I know there's got to be another gay person around here somewhere! As I've probably written before, meeting gays (or even open-minded straights) can be frustrating here, like it is in a lot of smaller places. But, yes, even meeting and starting to meet up with just one other gay person was a big step for me.
Good for you to try and you should see this as a step forward not a setback. Small cities can be hard. Also having the same sexual orientation does not mean you guys will be friends automatically. Sometimes people just don't click...
I agree with everyone else here, good for you for trying! I apologise if you've talked about this before - but I wonder (if there aren't meetups near you) if you've tried looking for meetups in a nearby city, or even an LGBT centre in a nearby city to get started in making gay friends. I don't know if they have this for dudes, but there's a dating/friendship site for women that you can join to make lesbian friends (and find someone to date), perhaps there is a similar site for gay guys to make friends. That might be a nice way to find gay dudes near you to bond and build a friendship.
Sienna - we had hung out a few times before, though always on his terms; I had asked him to go do things a few times, but he always had other plans... and now the invitations seem to have stopped coming altogether. I've tried to keep up contact, but it's only coming from me. I know he's got his own friends, and maybe I just didn't mesh well with them. Then again, I could also sense that we maybe didn't click 100%, but I was willing to work on it, and he's gay, of course, so I was REALLY hoping he could help me navigate gay life here, which would've been huge for me. Like I said, it just sucks. Barista - Sadly, there just aren't any cities nearby. But I do appreciate the thought.
Based on what you wrote, he seems a little self-absorbed since everything was on his terms. Maybe things not working out isn't such a bad thing... I'm going to blurt out potentially contradictory thoughts. Pick the one(s) that resonate with you Have you asked him why you guys aren't hanging out? Maybe you should stop reaching out and see what happens? Maybe you can send him an email asking for his help navigating gay life, if you haven't already done that. Try to be as specific as you can. PS - I'm assuming the friendship is platonic. If not that adds another complication.
having a gay friend is actually the same as the other friendship, aside from having the same persona as a gay, both of you should have a common interest/s that you can indulge because from there you can actually know more and deeper about him/her friendship isn't always about similarity its actually about diversity and more than willing to compliment your attitude to them but doesn't mean you have to change yourself just adjust a bit.
Barista - well, we do have the app-that-shall-not-be-named... But that kind of, well, encounter, is not really what I'm looking for right now. Sienna - I actually agree that it's probably best that he isn't inviting me out, seeing as this seems to be a fairly one-sided relationship. I would love to just ask him for help, though, but I don't want to do it by text or online. I want to have a real life conversation with him about it. Just getting the damn thing arranged is the hard part......... And yes, it's just a platonic friendship.
Sure I don't mean hook up apps. I'm thinking something like LGBT friends in xxx region. I suppose you've searched for all that stuff?
Crazy dog, it may suck but I'd try not to rely on someone else to get yourself into 'gay life' there are also plenty other people out there who I'm sure will be your friend. Bite the bullet and get involved in any gay activities, groups, choirs, walking groups there are. Many people have walked the walk you are on before and will be willing to befriend you.
Those are all good idea for things to keep an eye out for. I have looked into them, and none of them can be found around here, but I will keep a look out for them. You never know. I did take a look in response to your question. There actually is a group for lesbians in the area, just not for gays. But you never know, maybe something new will come up.
