Sexuality Inexperienced. How to deal with it? (Long)

You are not unusual in the least.

I pushed myself into a hookup (that became a casual deal) a few months back because it felt safer than testing the waters via LGBT groups, bars and whatnot. I finally had to end it because I couldn't deal with the emotional miss-match. I wanted more, he wanted to make sure he didn't end up with someone else's socks.

Do I regret it? Not really sure. What I do regret is how quickly I went from hopeful and naïve to cynical and jaded. I've pretty much sworn off casual anything and not interested in "out" dating as I doubt it's really much of an improvement. But that's a separate issue, really.

The closest thing to advice I have is to do what it is you want to do, not what you think is "right" or "this is how gay men act" or anything else. Why trade one set of expectations (how straight guys act) for another (how gay guys act)? The only person you have to answer to is yourself.

That said it sounds like you want someone to be with, rather than someone to do things with which does put you at odds with hookup land.

Maybe focus on meeting people and let the rest take care of itself?

PC

 

The rules of gay dating can be disconcerting for anyone coming from a heteronormative background, especially because of the prevelance of the hookup mindset. It is what it is.

If you are looking for a BF and an emotional connection, then going to LGBT meetups and support groups, developing a network of gay friends, and gay dating sites are a great start. This approach will take time.

If you go the hookup route, you can probably have sex by the end of the week (if not sooner). You can definitely chat and get to know a guy before hooking up. You should be able to find a guy you trust via hookup sites although you probably won't have an emotional connection. As long as you have a reasonable profile you will attract like-minded guys for the most part. If you can host, you may want to consider a married guy since they are inherently discreet. You can tell by their profiles - they are typically not out and can't host. FWIW, I know several guys who met their partners via hookups.

You could also go the gay bar route.

Good luck.

 

Lets call a spade a spade, there is nothing wrong with hook ups and casual sex. The only people whom have issues are the moral police and society norms. If you come far enough to to come out to yourself and everyone else, then you have already risen above societies norms.

That does not mean you should limit yourself to just hook ups. Give yourself time and space and intimate sex (i.e. with emotion) is out there for you.

We are human beings, humans have needs. Sex, whether casual or intimate, is a basic human need.

More so, given where you are on your journey, you need to fulfill that need.

Go for it!

 

I recommend drinking a little before any encounter but not too much to forget protection!

 

Some people say virginity is just meaningless and its merely a pointless construct of socaity..
Just do it when you feel confident in sharing your body with someone..
If you want to have inter corse in the near future then put yourself out there..
Work put in is equal to the thing you get out (probably)

 

This! Like everything else, gay relationships are on a spectrum: husbands, partners, boyfriends, FWBs, FBs, random fucks. You don't need to limit yourself. It's possible to look for/find love as well as sexual gratification. If the two happen to coincide, bully for you! Otherwise, try to go with the flow and enjoy your sexuality—it's there to make life better, not hang you up.