I need to write this all out, my apologies for rambling and not going anywhere with it. . . . . . I have been dealing with internalized homophobia, and it has been bad the past couple of days. I have come to realize that hubby has superficially accepted my orientation, and is struggling with the fact that I am bi and need the companionship of a woman. I have been aching to hold a woman to feel safe, to feel complete, to love on my terms. I have actually been missing the only woman I know, and am doing good by not contacting her. I do miss her, or the idea of her. Living in a small isolated community is hard to seek a female companion, especially being related to basically everyone one way or another lol it is getting frustrating. But I am holding on to the idea that one day the right woman will come along. I understand that it will take time for hubby to become comfortable with my orientation, and it has been roughly two years already. Just like myself, he has up days and down days. The latest down day has left me anxious and lonely. . . . . .
It's got nothing to do with you being bi that you want to sleep with woman. Bi means you can be attracted to men and women not "I have a husband and I need a woman too".
I respectfully disagree. I understand that there is a polite fiction that we perpetrate as bi people that we are just like everyone else in terms of monogamy. I DO think that there are bi people who ARE just like everyone else in terms of monogamy. But I think that there is a substantial subset of us who find our attraction to the genders to be qualitatively different, to the point where we feel unfulfilled with just one. That then may lead to a desire for serial monogamy (i.e. not traditional marriage), polyamory or another form of non-monogamy. Your argument was that these are orthogonal to bisexuality, but I put forward the conjecture that for maybe a quarter of us (? from what I can tell--I've only been able to find a couple of studies on this), they are linked.
In response to the "I have a husband and I need a woman too" First off, I am in my marriage because I am not ready on so many levels to get out of it under the circumstances. With children, career and location, it is a difficult choice. I do feel complete in the arms of a woman, that much I know. I also have been working hard to mend the broken pieces of my marriage, and quite frankly, it has left me unfulfilled. . . so. . . yeah. . . I am emotionally and mentally exhausted.
I understand your feelings. I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Big hugs (*hug*) Are you going to counselling right now? I wonder if that can help you get the support you need while you feel stuck. And are you able to do other things to feel like you're moving forward? Going to LGBT events and making LGBT friends?