Hi everyone! It has been about 6 months since the last time i came here. A lot is going on with me but I'll also give a quick recap on my situation. I'm 33 and married to a man for the past 10 years. We have two children (8 and 3 years old). Looking back, I KNEW I was gay way before my brain really registered or accepted the fact. Truth of the matter is, I was trying to play it off that I was bisexual and it doesn't matter because I have this amazing husband so I should be perfectly satisfied. Right???? Wrong. My husband really is a good guy. I have told him a few times that I am bisexual and about 6 months ago I told him I was pretty certain I was a lesbian. How did he handle it? He didn't handle it at all. To be fair, I was probably confusing the man. I told him i didn't want to mess up our family and that I would keep trying. He seemed satisfied with that. Some of you will remember that about a year ago I was stressing because I didn't have a job because I had spent so many years as a military wife and a stay at home mom. I got my teaching license up to date and for this state and I got a job teaching preschool 3 days a week..THEN I had to quit that job because my youngest son (almost 4) has started a new school which does not match up with my hours at the school I was teaching at. He has been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder and will have his big autism evaluation done in Seattle this summer (we are moving up on the 8 month wait list! CRAZY!). He is likely asbergers/High functioning autism. So there it is. My sweet baby boy is really struggling and as his mom I have of course spent every waking moment researching, joining parent support groups on Facebook, and taking him to his occupational therapy, special education preschool, sitting through LONG IEP meetings, doctor visits, all while I try like hell to keep my head above water all while still dealing with the fact that I am gay and I am stuck. So i can't work right now. Probably not full time until he goes to Kindergarten in 2 years, which also means I have no way to support my children and myself if I did leave my husband. I thought for sure he was going to start questioning me now that our sex life has dwindled down to about once every 3 months. Even then, I do it for him and not at all for myself. I would like to be back and involved in this supportive community. I can't lose sight of who I am.
Welcome back. You definately have a lot going on. Hang in there. Just out of curiosity, what led you to think you were bi to now considering yourself a lesbian?
well I think I always have known, I just didn't want to use the lesbian label. I still don't because it is scary. I haven't ever been with a woman (made out with plenty in my younger pre married days though and in college). I guess, I just KNOW and the bi label doesn't fit me.
I have no words of advice, just words of similiarity. I, too, am married to a man for almost 20 years and am stuck. I can't type, speak or admit that I am a lesbian yet....but I'm not heterosexual. I have 5 kids and I am stuck as well. My husband has no clue and never will. I am very good at pretending for the most part. I'm sorry for all you are going through. Hopefully things get better for you soon!
I had a very difficult time for many years, probably a decade, when it came to that label. I could say I was gay but I couldn't identify as a lesbian. It was almost like it was a dirty word for some reason. I'm not sure why. Now it just rolllllls off the tongue. Now I can use it like a weapon to freak out the straight people.
You poor woman I am so sorry you got caught up in this storm. I'm going through something similar myself. Please be strong. I know exactly how you feel.
Thanks everyone who has commented. It feels so good to just TALK about it.....even with strangers. It also is so comforting when I see that I am not the only married woman who is harboring a gay secret. You all are amazing!
