Maybe "regrets" is the wrong word, but I still wonder sometimes what might have been if I'd had a balanced life back when I was younger, say in college. I spent so much effort trying to kill off my sexuality that I couldn't even let myself spend time studying. I keep wondering what would've happened to my life had I actually studied like I should have, made friends like I could have, and so on. I know there's no use dwelling on the past, of course, and I know that lots of other people (gay or not) have things in their lives that they wish could've gone differently, and through absolutely no fault of their own. Does this ever get less frequent, or even go away?
I'll focus on my experience as a gay man. I found that the regrets started to diminish through a combination of the following I decided that I don't have the luxury of indulging in regret and that I need to seize the day! I started to seize the day and live increasingly as a gay man. Sure I still have the occasional twinge of regret, but it's quickly dampened by the knowledge that I'm living authentically today.
Hey man, I think that feeling of regret is quite common. For example I'm 28 and I just came out this year (well almost fully out). I found myself becoming bitter and angry looking at younger lgbt folk coming out in their teens or early 20s so effortlessly whilst I was keeping up this charade of me being straight. I really began over thinking everything and was a ball of stress. I worried about am I too old? Will I get a boyfriend? I have no experience, will I be taken seriously? And ya know what all my fears were ultimately complete nonsense. I feel the best way to deal with regrets is to say to yourself I'll strive to get the life I always wanted. Do the things you feel you should have done. When your striving to make positive changes in your life, your regrets slowly melt away. One quote that I love and believe wholeheartedly is "it's never to late to be what you might have been". All the best
Find in your heart forgiveness, and forgive yourself. Yes, regret can be resolved when you forgive yourself. That's my experience.
I've still got a long way to go, I've just gotten to a very early stage of accepting myself as queer. I'm not really sure where this path is going to take me yet, but I'm in a really positive state of mind. One of the things that has only recently started to come into focus for me was lessening of the sense of regret. I'll c/p something I posted in another thread because it fits your question perfectly: I'm finally at a point where I'm starting to think my understanding of my sexuality is happening exactly the way it's supposed to. Like this *is* the right time for me to embrace being queer. That is s sharp difference from my feelings not that long ago; I felt that I had wasted so much of my life. But now I don't think that's true. An analogy- I was always a misfit, rarely had friends; I started making real friendships finally around 16, and you know what, that's the way my life was supposed to go, I am shaped by that experience of being friendless much of my childhood. Another analogy- I went back to school late, and as a result the experience of education was extremely rewarding. So can this be. Who cares anymore whether I never slept with s woman, had a romantic or intimate or meaningful relationship with a woman. I still have time to sleep with or build a relationship with whomever I want. --- I'm not sure if I can provide a tangible set of actions that got me to this point, but I think the crux of it has been favouring action over reflection (advice given to me by many on this forum!). I took a series of risks which led to a boosts of confidence in huge measure. I'm a baby in this process but for some reason I don't feel shitty anymore. I feel...happy. You can get there! Are there specific risks you think you might be able to take that can help boost your sense of moving forward? I wrote an action plan for myself, and following that pretty much led to this sense of positivity.
