For men who came out later, do my dysfunctions sound similar?

Greetings! Thanks for sharing!

Do you fantasize about men sexually? Forget the porn, when you're just left to your own imagination, is it men you think about having sex with? Or women? Or both? Have you ever had a crush on a guy? Anything like that?

 

I'm not middle-aged but maybe I can be of help.
I don't think you have a sexual orientation problem. You are into women sexually, right ? You love making out and going down on them. You just have a problem with the intercourse.
You also have this turn-on from being dominated by a penis. Maybe understanding that will help you to understand your sexuality.
Could you explain what exactly you mean by being dominated by a 'penis'. I observed you said 'penis' specifically and not 'man'. Do you get turned on by being sexually submissive ?? Is that why you like gay porn ? Maybe you can find an answer there. Maybe that's the reason being sexually dominating is unappealing to you ??

 

I love going down on women too but trust me when I tell you, I'm really quite gay. Not every gay guy thinks vaginas are scary. And the question more becomes what would you be happier with. You can enjoy sex with women but if you feel more drawn to men, chances are you'd be much happier with a man.

 

Yeah, and he said he's more drawn to be with women. He only seems to have this submission fetish. And that seems to be taking a toll on other parts of his sexuality.

 

I don't know what type of relationship you are in right now, or if you talk about sex and what you like and don't like. Have you been tied up? Had anal play with a woman dominating you. You might just want a bit more 'spice' to your sex life. Explore it.

Same goes for guys, if you are not betraying anyone, go to a gay bar and have a drink. Chat to people, flirt even, and if the moment takes you, possibly even a kiss, and see what happens.

ED can strike at any time and can especially with age. But you are not old, you are mid 30's, which to me is young. ED can have many causes and in no way suggests a sexual preference or orientation.

As a warning, fantasies are fantasies. You can fantasize all you like. But fantasies do not necessarily reflect what you would actually like to happen in reality. Take for instance rape fantasies. No body actually wants to get raped, but you might 'fantasize' about it.

With your next sexual partner (whoever it is) explore anal play a little. Your partner does not need a penis to anally penetrate you during sex.

Finally, being bi, gay or straight is a lot more complex than just sex. Sex is one part of it of course, but there is much more to it than just that.

Best wishes,
xxx

 

I would recommend one thing that hasn't been touched on here. There may (I emphasize may) be an organic component to your ED. I would check with your doctor, maybe have a physical exam, to rule out any organic issues as well. Please note, I am not a doctor, this is not intended as medical advice. I'm just a person that has the same issue with ED. In my case, it's caused by diabetes.

It's worth it for your peace of mind to get the physical causes ruled out. Then you can explore any other reasons, perhaps with a partner, perhaps with an LGBT friendly therapist.

Most assuredly best wishes,

Morgana

 

Yeah you have that submission thing which is sort of affecting your performance. I hope it's clear to you now. See a sex therapist or psyhologist with expertise on this.

 

If you are walking down the street do you notice men or women? One of the things that made me realize that I was gay was that I simply did not notice women. Some chick that looked like a supermodel could be standing in front of me and I wouldn't notice her because I was too busy checking out some hunky guy across the room. I would be having lunch in the dining hall in college with friends and they would be ogling some chick they all thought was HOT and I had never even noticed her.

 

James... my sense is you have some energy w men, but it's fantasy. I'm bi, pretty sexual, and only had ED once, when I was with a guy I liked alot, but was bigger than me. I'm on the dom side, so my intuition was the ED was fear of being dominated by him.

I assume you haven't had sex w a guy - because you don't mention it. I think that's what you need to do, kinda experiment, see if you do like servicing a man, being dominated by a guy, being submissive. THEN, you will either like it or not! It will move from fantasy to reality.

Gay or trans porn is a world of difference from being with another guy or a trans. Porn is a mental thing, whereas actually being with another guy will give you alot of information: such as I like or don't like the energy of being with another guy, I'm more comfortable in a rel w a woman or a man... or both... whatever. The world of porn is not real. Try someone real.

 

James
I have constant performance issues with my wife even though I am attracted to her. I often have to imagine I am the woman to perform correctly. You mentioned you had to visualize porn? I guess I am wondering, is the porn creating the problem? I dunno just a question